serendipity

2007-11-06T05:20:00.000-08:00

in case you didnt know, ive moved on to www.dried-black-roses.blogspot.com

much love,
ruz

2007-06-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

sigh. so many things have happened lately, that i dont know where to begin. but whatever the case, it doesnt matter whether ive been telling you my probs or not, i wont forget you my dear friends. and even if you may feel that ive changed (for better or for worse), i'll be there if you're in trouble. i love you guys and please remember that. i havent blogged for so long and its touching to know that you still come by! =)

yesterday felt like a super long day.

during my lunch break, my department and i visited a colleague who just gave birth the day before. i dont know how she did it without anesthesia but she said giving birth that way feels entirely different. the emotions and stuff. i was kinda touched. and then this cliche chinese phrase about "mothers being wei(3) da(4)" came to mind. oh and the baby's so cute. it's got a head of hair though it's only a day old! her name is Giselle and she cries in a gentle manner that made me think, "wow, so not all babies' cry in an irritating way." sweet moment.

but my mood was a lil spoiled when mei feng directed the question at me.. "so huiru, have you changed your anti-motherhood views?". -__- doubt it was intentional but she really put me in a tight spot.

after work i dined at Saprino with my colleagues before going to the PS arcade. i played the Ah Lian basketball thing where you gotta shoot as many basketballs you can into the hoop. sounds lame but its highly addictive. no wonder the Ah Lians cant stop!sigh. but this game makes it hard for me to hide my violent side. i mean, i usually throw the balls with too much force and it's quite scary, according to my colleagues. haha.

later, some of the girls left and it was just me, mei feng, and 3 other guys. we headed to clarke quay for drinks. i had a pina colada at iguana's and recommended esther to order cocktails as well, instead of shots. her first time at zouk was last wednessday so i told her to go easy on the drinks.

still, all she drank was half a glass of cazuela and by then her face was red as a tomato. we all were shocked and worried for her. as it was near 1 in the morning, i offered to send her back but she declined. so in the end she cabbed home alone while i shared cab with my toa payoh colleague. it was sweet of dad to stay up and wait for me cos i didnt have my keys with me.

but you know what that means? i cant stay out too late the next week or so, if not mum's gonna nag about me staying out too late and stuff. already she's complaining that i hardly eat dinner at home.. sigh!

anyways, i'll be shutting myself at home the next week or so lah. cos i need to MUG for my stupid exemption tests at NUS. so yeah, gotta work for that.

till i see you all (and i mean in person) again, take care. love you loads.

2007-05-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

busy!

ive had a busy week, catching up with poly and sec sch friends. ive been seeing quite a bit of rachel this week. and also i caught up with mengsy, grace, jemmy and yoonnee. we've all grown up!

and... ive been pigging lately. marche @ vivo, tung lok (colleague's farewell lunch. great timsum there), mon petit, vila'ge... then last night's dinner was damn damn good. fish & co with clar, eugene and charles. i shared a seafood platter with clar baby.

oh how can i forget, that yummlicious hot fudge choco cake. sigh. that one's so freaking good that you cant stop. i mean, not only you cant stop, you also forget about the whole world around you when you're chomping on it. the two of us gals were like stuffing our faces with the cake non-stop that we didnt bother to talk to the 2 guys for awhile. (oh but den again, charles was busy sucking something....) lol. we almost ordered another cake but guilt held us back. haha. but the cake is REALLY good (and sinful). sigh.

tonight im gonna eat a heavy dinner too. celebrating mother's day with my big family (as in, with grandma, cousins, uncles and aunties) at Asia Hotel (near Scotts). yup.

another confession to make - ive been spending on NETS lately. my latest shopping conquest is a pair of shoes from Aldo. i hope mum doesnt question me why ive been getting so many shoes lately - a few weeks ago i got a hot black glossy pair from Tinkerbell that was on sale. but those tinkerbell shoes, no doubt pretty, are hell to walk in. they bite.

so ive sworn off cheap pretty shoes from far east. yup. so my zebra-print Aldo flats are my first investment in maintaining healthy feet. but anyways, i think i need to get another pair of plain black flats... cos zebra prints are a lil hard to match with clothes. haha. yet another excuse to buy a pair of shoes! tsk.

oh by the way, just two days ago i went back to ngee ann poly to try on the graduation robe thingi. we are the pioneer lot to try this cos other batches never wore graduation robes for their grad ceremonies. but really, i'd rather wear blazers and business wear. the graduation robe is fugly. when i donned it, i felt as if i was wearing one of those American choir outfits. and my size is an XXS. luckily i tried cos if i booked online, i would have thought an S would have been fine. seriously... this thing is gonna waste my money.

boohoo.

2007-04-15T06:55:00.001-07:00

last night, a friend sent me a pic, saying some new Hongkie actress looks like me. i dont know if it's the pic or the actres but she sure looks freaky in the picture (so to be honest, i was almost deeply insulted). haha.

anyways, i put the on msn for a short while to get some opinions. and i had mixed responses.

some thought it was me and went on to say that "i" look good in formal.

some said she looks cuter

some said several simiarities are there such as the "quiet guai look", fair skin, and jaw line.

while a few others said there's little resemblance and i look better.

confusing.

hmmm... ok whatever. i cant even remember my own reflection actually. and just the other day someone else said that he saw a girl at Taka who "gave him the same feel as me". i wanted to kill him when i heard that. it sounded so wrong. anyways, what he actually meant was that one look at that girl in taka, he thought it was me. mmhmm.

sigh. and all these happened within a span of like.. 3 days. the whole "oh huiru, someone looks like you" thing makes me feel uncomfortable actually. like, what if someone commits a crime and i suay suay kena identified by the victim as the culprit? haha. ok i think too much (as usual).

2007-04-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

Plan B?

clar eugene and i hung around town last night. as much as i try to be happy.. i think what's bothering most of us at the back of our heads is the fear that we dont get accepted into the local Unis we want. already one has closed its doors on me. ive went for the SMU interview. ive got a little hope i guess. then for NUS... they've called me for a discretionary interview.

better than nothing but you know what a discretionary interview means right? MY GRADES DONT MAKE THE CUT.

not that my grades are extremely sucky but i just have to admit, there are loads of brains in singapore. and over the years my IQ has slid. haha. bahhh wadever.

so... i need to think of a Plan B should i be unable to land into a local uni.

1. go to SIM?
2. stay in deloitte?
3. try out being an air stewardess? (pay will be about 2K+, definitely be higher than if i were to work in an accounting firm with just a diploma)
4. be an entrepreneur?
5. join my elder sis in magic? (or maybe rope in my lil sis too and we'll be the 3 Charmed ones. heh)

i never knew getting into the U would be THIS hard.

2007-04-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

haha. guess ive told quite a few of you about my ear? dug it too hard and "pop!'. ruptured the membrane outside my ear drum. but doc says this is common and it usually heals within a month or a couple.

anyways, my hearing isnt all that bad. i think i can still carry on a conversation with little "pardon me?" in between.

yup. it was great meeting rae for dinner at spaggedies last night and chatting till late at Lido's 24hrs Mac. work, uni, cholesterol, calories, boys, love and relationships. we had much to laugh and rant about.

anyways, remember the guy i like? the one who's got a place in SMU? i sorta tested him, on whether he really wanted to see me studying in smu. so i told him about the call for my NUS interview, and how happy i was about it. honestly, the NUS call was a real ego booster after the whole sucky NTU episode, because this NUS interview's for the BBA course - i.e. my first choice course at NUS.

he replied that "that's good..." and his voice trailed off. i smiled and nodded to act happy. but he added, in a more enthusastic manner than the previous sentence, "but im sure SMU will call you and that will give you a greater ego boost!"

haha. so... he was trying to remind me not to forget about SMU... lol.

2007-03-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

the "out" tray

i feel bad leaving Mr Nice Guy wondering on his blog, "is being nice enough?" and he ranted " kinda feel that gals in SG are typically looking for the whole package. Good looks / physique is one thing, having a good career is another, having a car is definitely a bonus. Being nice is the icing on the cake. I have seen my gal-frens falling for bad boys, only to have the bad boys cheating and bullying and abusing them and the girls just can't get enough of them. *rolls eyes*"

well.... i guess he's really sore but honestly speaking, i have to say being nice isnt enough. also, he got it wrong. it is in my opinion that good looks and physique isnt a must, neither is a good career or a car. i just want to see a lil more personality other than "nice-ness".

sometimes, nice is plain and forgettable.

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my "in" tray

last night i had my first date with J at marina. i was late by half an hour cos my mean manager gave me work (on a blardy saturday mind you) and wanted it in on saturday itself.

luckily, J didnt make a fuss about it. we caught Bean. and our seats were the ones without arm rests between us. it was him who bought the tickets so when we found our seats, i gave him that -__- look. but it wasnt intentional. it just happened that these were the last row, center-most seats. the movie was alrite, nothing much to "wow" about though. but we later had dinner at swensons, with loads of fun and laughter. since the first day i met him, ive found the old chirpy cheeky side of myself, which has gone missing for pretty long.

yup. looking again at Mr Nice Guy's description about girls who go for the whole good looks, car and career package thingi, well, i guess it doesnt apply to me. J is sporty but he isnt very tall nor does he has model looks. he's the boy-next door kind (but i kinda dig his ear stud. haha.). and i dont give a damn about car because mrt rides can be exciting too, especially missing trains or dashing into them the last minute. and for career, J's gonna be a double degree student at smu for the next 4 yrs or so. definitely not a career that reaps in money. haha.

yup. it is partly because of him that i'm pretty determined to go to SMU. but... i'll leave it all up to heaven to decide. got a rejection call from NTU. alrite not quite a rejection but indirectly it is. a few days ago some prof called me asked me go for an interview for the psych course interview. that's my 4th choice. so you know what it meant right? i failed to qualify for the business, accounting and econs courses at NTU. arghz.

2007-03-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

being in the company of my ta02 classmates was fantabulous. i guess, they made my learning at ngee ann less of a pain (in case you dont know, ive always struggled at accounting). anyways, yesterday was jen's birthday party.

eugene and i got her something from an adult shop. (no, the shop's not located in little india, in case you were wondering.) we got her present after about 20 mins of browsing. aha. the hot nurse-themed lingerie set we settled for was the more decent one amongst those on the shelves.

while eugene was paying, i suddenly remembered that there was the price tag. so i told the cashier to remove it. then she asked, "gift for a friend?"

DUH!you should have seen how i quickly i said "YES!".

hah. i sooo didnt want anyone (even strangers) to misunderstand. especially cos when we were doing the product comparison between different lingerie sets, i commented that "these look plastic" and eugene asked "is it uncomfortable?". lol. caring for jen he is but that statement has very high chances of getting misunderstood.

anyways, though i didnt stay long at the chalet, it was great catching up with the rest and learing mahjong. speaking of mahjong, jus (my shifu) is such a pro. lol. it's funny how we both (teaming up together) got so excited when our chances of winning were pretty high.

i guess no words can describe how im gonna miss my class now that we've all cleared our 3rd year in poly. most of us girls will go different Unis if we get in, and the guys, NS. bleahz.

i didnt stay at the chalet. woke up this morning and headed to the office and edited 2 tax computations, filled up the Form B1, IR8A blah blah blah. but my mind was so not with me. felt brain dead for some unknown reason. even when i started my laptop, i keyed in my password wrongly too many times, that my account got locked out.

and best of all, the IT dept isnt open today. but lady luck was just playing games with me again. in the end, a perm staff helped me contact an IT staff who was resting at home. if it didnt happen, i'd have to return home and would have wasted an hour in total travelling to and from work.

2007-03-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

give me a break!

these days there's this thing about me being in the limelight (and really you know how i hate attention). arghz. everyone's eager to know stuff about me. so when i had lunch with charles and clar, gossip went around about "that guy i was eating with (i.e. charles)". it was silly really. and unfortunate for me that charles and i wore matching colours on that day.

and then when i wanted to avoid doing OT, i lied that i was gonna see a doc. i told only a few, but word spreaded round, and i started getting messages from the other temp staff. its so weird cos guys arent suppose to be gossipy. i didnt reply. had to give the impression that i was sick and sleeping early. hahaha.

yeah that was yesterday.

and lunch today, i got my privacy invaded. was in mid-sentence with a colleague when suddenly the cameraman for the show "our makan places lost and found" came to our table and directed his bulky camera at me. they were earlier fliming the "famous" chicken rice stall at amoy. and i really had no freaking idea why he was fliming me. and the stupidest thing was, i was eating noodles, not chicken rice from that store.

i shyly looked away. and that was why my colleagues from the opposite table laughed. they said "ur action very cute n funny lahz" -__- the camera was right in front of me for almost a minute. which was felt like eternity as it was really, really really uncomfortable and irritating. my guy colleagues at the other table later told me that they came to a conclusion that "the cameraman only shoots young n pretty girls". what buayas. i just hope Mediacorp cuts out the whole thing with me inside. my broad face is broad enough in real life. having it on flat screen telly sets willl make my face look like a giant pizza! whats more, ive drawn enough attention in the office already ):

the ring on my left index finger has been the object of speculation (yet again). it is my luck charm. (not that i believe in lucky charms) but it does seem pretty coincidental that my lucky days are days that i wear my ring. so... mr nice guy's losing hope in me (yay!). he asked me, "if i ask you to go out again with me, will your bf be angry?"

i never told him i was dating. but i guess... he inferred something (wrongly) from the ring. aha! lucky for me. lucky ring. but the ring's not working against the buayas at work. you know how desperate post-NS guys are. ive got movie date request from them. help me.

2007-03-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

strange but true

haha. laughed my head off when a male friend told me that his female supervisor at work asked him if he was gay.

if i were him, i would have said "yes" immediately.

afterall, my friend's a lesbian trapped in a guy's body. haha. a lesbian's sorta gay too aint i right? (:

anyways, im sooooo in loveeeeeeeee with John Legend's naughty song. it's called PDA (We don't care). and to those techies, PDA isnt those electronic PDA.. it stands for Public Displays of Affection. not that im an exhibitionist or advocate PDAs but the song's sexy. love the tune of the piano. if only i had time, i'll dig up all my piano books and re-master piano playing all over again. amazing what a nice song can drive me to do. heh.

2007-03-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

the unwilling damsel in distress

haha. at work sometimes im quite a muddlehead. but the stubborn me will stubbornly struggle to get what i want (and usually reject help along the way due to ego issues). aha. until im near to giving up that is.

so like today, i was struggling in the compactus. it's something like quite a number of library book shelves just that they are on rollers and can be "compressed together". i was trying to find some files. i was struggling as i already had a heavy stack in my arms. as i was busy locating the files i want... suddenly someone reached out and swiftly took the files from me.

i looked up. there i saw it, a familiar face smiling at me, who chided me for being greedy before taking the files to my desk.

and there i was, standing there pretty dumbfounded, half grateful for his help but half embarassed that my ego's a lil bruised. (as you know, i rarely ask for help unless it's necessary).

------------------------------------------------

anyways, peeps at my workplace are pretty ok. then.. im glad ive got friends outside to have lunch with. sometimes eating with my usual lunch kahkees - who are all male - can be irritating cos they like stuff that comes in large quantites and taste doesnt quite take priority. i on the other hand am the reverse.

speaking of lunch dates, ive got quite a few peeps to meet up for lunch. like Mr Nice Guy working 14 floors below me. a school mate working around the area, and my ta02 pals. how cool.

by the way, im getting the jitters thinkin about uni admission interviews. but no time to think of that right now. gotta hit the sack and get ready for work later. ):

2007-03-05T00:22:00.000-08:00

SHENTON WAY HERE I COME!

since school ended, ive been slacking so much that finding a job didnt quite cross my mind. yup. but i was pampered by a kind few who've offered me potential "lobangs". like a certain "him" who said he can make arrangements with his buddy to let me do mystery shopping and earn 50 bucks per shop, or work at another of his buddy's boardgame cafe (somewhat like settlers). then there was jiahui who offered me a chance to take up an interview opportunity given to her for an office job.

i declined their offers... cos i didnt wanna rely on that certain "him". and as for jiahui's offer, it was almost perfect just that the job involves accounting. or maybe these were excuses i gave myself, cos i just wanted to bum around and waste my hols. haha.

but last week, it was during a chat with my "godfather" that i began to feel ashamed of my childish behaviour. i realised should make use of this opportunity (now that im no longer busy with those stupid projects) and earn some quick bucks. feeling guilty of wasting 2-3 wks of hols, i just bluffed that i was "in the process of finding a job".

i thought that he asked purely for the sake of asking. like you know how adults like to ask kids "how old are you" during family gatherings. stupid questions that they wouldnt really bother about. but i guessed wrong. he's an amazing guy. and i was surprised with a call from him on friday saying that he's giving my name to Deloitte.

then today, ive got a call asking me if i can join their tax department tomorrow.

either the job's really sucky or my "godfather" had put in good words for me, for they didnt ask to look at my resume, my grades at school whatsoever. yup. hopefully it all works well man. so far, everything sounds good to me: the pay, the working hours... except for the place... i cant believe im working in the same building as a certain someone im trying hard to avoid.

it is a small world. and just as my life is blessed, it can be quite tragic at times. but nonetheless, im so glad for the nice people out there who had me in mind. really touched.

and speaking of earning bucks... im starting to have ideas on going into a mini-venture with one of my besties. i dont think that there's a fool-proof method that gurantees successs. but if you dont try, you'll never know. yup. wish us the best of luck. as to what business it is, i'll keep it a secret for now. let you guys know when we've got solid (and i do mean solid) plans. (:

2007-03-04T02:50:00.000-08:00

did the rain make their hearts colder?

fever... flu.. sore throat! having them all today. at first it started with a fever and runny nose on friday... then today *kaboom* sore throat. the sore throat sucks the most cos it's too painful to even swallow or speak. you know how frustrating it is when you're already so frustrated. and yet you feel quite handicapped. sigh. maybe that's why ive decided to blog today. to rant it out. hah. i even missed my class outing last night.

anyways, my falling sick has got to do with society. i hate those selfish people are out there, who are well sheltered under their lovely brollys, and dont bat an eyelid when they see a poor miserable soul drenched in the rain at the traffic light. suckers.

in case you are asking if the scenario was reversed, would i share my umbrella? definitely. ive done it before in fact. it does feel cheesy but i think it's more embarassing to stand there, feigning ignorance of that pitiful sight. what's so embarassing about helping someone...? really, i just dont get it.

by the way, the bad headache i last blogged about was a migraine. could have been triggered cos of MSG-ladden foods. mmhmm. gotta watch what i eat... bleahz.

2007-02-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

girl talk

i found myself rolling my eyes several times and wondering "why am i here" as we walked and talked. yup. i was out with him last night. we did have an engaging conversation throughout but there's no escape from the fact that he's so nice that i could just vomit blood.

seriously.

he was on time (early in fact), i was late. he brought his jacket which he normally leaves on his office chair cos he had the hunch that i'd forget to bring mine (sure enough the absent minded me forgot). he happy charged everything to his card - the dinner, the movies, the drinks at alleybar. and at the table, he pulled the chair for me to sit (but by then i had already gotten to the other chair haha!)

then he let me use the jacket in the theatre - while he shivered under his laptop bag. (you may think he's sweet but come on, it's partly ego too right.) he walked me to my bus stop - though that meant he had to make a detour back to the mrt station. he made me inform him that i had reached home safely, just to be sure. and he's willing to help me find a job (which i declined though it sounds goo money - 50 bucks per simple assignment)

yeah im feeling too sick to go on. he gives in a lot to me and that's precisely what i find annoying. the last thing i want a chivalrous Mr Nice Guy. maybe you think i dont respect men. but i do, thats why i dont want to them henpecked.

yup. most girls dream of the chivarlrous nice guy but im still glad im not "most girls".

oh.. something random but rather true these days:

haha. no intention to offend guys really. it can happen the other way round too anyways. just thought that such a situation would really suck.

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im home today, on a rainy wednessday afternoon. the weather's making me feel sleepy. and gosh my bed looks so tempting. i think i can be hypnotised to walk to it and fall into deep slumber. haha. but sleep is the last thing i want, for i dont dare sleep.

in fact, i didnt sleep very well in the wee hours of this morning. my head throbbed like crap! the right side of it felt extremely tight that i couldnt sleep it off. got up at about 3am to popped 2 panadol pills.

as i made my way to my room, i stopped by my parent's room, wondering if mum's awake. i really thought i could die cos the pain was that bad. (it's a bit like Sun Wu Kong's crown being tightening around his head. no kidding. i think my face was contorted in pain the way his did). yup. i was kinda scared that a blood vessel in my brain may be bursting or something.

both of mum and dad were in asleep and i couldnt bear to wake them up. i can forget about calling my sisters cos waking them up takes a lot more energy than getting an ant to scale mount everest. poor me staggered back to bed, and really wondered if i'd die in my sleep.

you may say (yet again) that i have really wild imagination - which i dont deny but come on, already in Singapore itself we've seen quite a number of "mysterious" deaths where people actually die in their sleep. and i guess, to many, my fear of a brain haemorrage sounds pretty dumb. still, i have my reasons... when my mum was expecting me, one of my cousins died of a brain haemorrage. i never got to see him. he was young... just out of NS.

so last night, the fear i had was really hard to put in words. with the almost unbearable splitting headache, i prayed.and started feeling sorry for myself. i was too tired to go back to mum to call for help, or even switch on my handphone and say goodbye. if that was how i was really gonna die, it sucks (though it seems the least physically painful of all deaths).

anyways, i was so tired that i fell asleep without knowing it. haha!

and then i woke up this morning feeling so blessed. i only had a few hours of sleep but i made breakfast for everyone... and that's something i havent done in years. (: feels good to stay home today...

yup. feeling a hell lot better right now. so glad im alive and my headache's gone. maybe im had a caffeine overdose yesterday. anyways, thanks for dropping by. i love you all.

2007-02-26T02:13:00.000-08:00

your eyes fooled you

i had a nightmare that i got sawed in half during a magic performance - and the magician scrwed up. yes how morbid. but i have myself to blame for that. few days ago alvin and i were playing around my sister's studio... we tried the "sawing the girl in half" trick. so i had to lie in a coffin-like box, only that my head and shoes were sticking out from the ends. anyways, he stuckthe sharp blades in and... sawed me in half. to prove that point, he pushed the boxes further apart, creating a greater distance between my top and lower half.

it was scary looking at my reflection. how i laughed with fear - or was it glee? haha. even my feet at the other hand could move. it's cool but i must say... the magician who first came up of this concept is quite a sadist dont you think?

anyways i just yesterday how broke i am. i squandered quite a bit of my ang pow money. sometimes when you spend or have too much fun, you just dont realise how fast your money's leaving your pockets. hehz. i got thrashed rather badly at mahjong, been pigging out quite a bit, got the nina ricci scent for my elder sis, and caught a weekend movie (seducing mr perfect) with irene and fel. the movie was not very engaging... surprisingly i think the female korean lead is more adorable than daniel henney (yes he sure has a hot bod and a megawatt smile BUT... i she's really charismatic.)

hmmm.. alrite i should quit before i start sounding lesbanic. hehz. um... wait! no need to drift from the topic actually. i suddenly remembered this vid on YouTube that did touch me. it features a kid who sang of his love for his two fathers. they (the fathers) are gays. yup.

i think the society we live in is still pretty much homophobic. from a religious point of view, homosexuality is frown upon. but personally... i dont see much of a big deal about it. i believe that one's sexuality is not nurtured... i doubt they have a choice. prolly same thing like child prodigies - their talents are something they are blessed( or maybe even cursed) with. it's nature.

anyways, back to the boy raised by two gay men... at a glance it does seem selfish of the gay men to adopt children. it makes the life of their kid hell, being ridiculed and outcasted.

but then again, who am i to judge? for all we know, the gay men make better parents than normal heterosexual ones. the fact that they adopt a kid means that they really want one. heh. then again what do i know.

2007-02-22T07:19:00.000-08:00

dance floor

man, daryl didnt make it! ): i actually casted votes for him last night. anyways, leong and i were late when we reached the mediacorp studio just now. our seats got taken up so we had to sit close to the back. which didnt quite matter to me lah. the crowd was like damn high. like scary kind of high.

anyways, the malay F4 group was pretty good. but i dont like the latin dance partners. oh and i particularly hate that botak judge. forever overacting lah. anyways, later we two scooted off to Chun Dao He Pan and i became a young kid again! haha. we took the retarded viking. it was damn damn fun!!!

stupid me was screaming like a banshee. sitting on it sure feels a lot scarier than standing on the ground watching it move. i chickened out after it so we didnt take the ferris wheel. >_<

im stuffing my schedule to the max lately, partly to have fun but also party to avoid someone. he's into me more than im into him. if he hasnt noticed, i keep turning down his proposed outings. sure, he's older, has a job, is nice and sweet but such a bore. hhe does tell jokes but it's not my kind of thing. not witty... and humour is a very subjective thing - somethings are funny for just a short while but it's distasteful when you reflect back.. if you know what i mean.

things will never work out between us. you dont know how shitty i felt when i bloghopped to his blog and found his Vday post about me (no we didnt celeb vday together but he posted a short poem that sent shivers down my spine). sweet but not my kind of thing (i like poems but his has no character). yeah stupid cupid had misfired at someone else too but at least the other one knows how to back off. still, im having a headache. so much for the lucky stars saying that those born in the year of the Rabbit will have good relationships this Pig year.

speaking of Vday... a helium balloon that i got the day after Vday has started to deflate. what i like about it is that... there was this warning sign at the corner of it in small font, saying that the ballon conducts electricity and that it should not be brought out to open spaces in stormy weather. hahaha. morbid thoughts hit me usual. i thought of making headlines - "lightning strikes poly student holding belated valentine's day balloon". hehe. ok bad joke. i treasure my life. anyways, the balloon's just a gift from a platonic friend... vday is afterall, also friendship day!

oh kinda random but dad's telling me to beware of my immediate neigbour next door. he's aussie and not married but dad thinks he's gay cos all his visitors are male. o.O hmm.. i dont know what to say. but it could be true. which straight guy bothers about his flowers? haha whateverrr.

i think the only reason why im so strange lately is that my brain's having a serious burnout. gawd i need sleep.. oh precious sleep!

2007-02-21T08:30:00.000-08:00

the chineseeee new year questions

"oh my, why are you so skinny now?"

"wow, so pretty already ah?"

"got boyfriend or not"

the last question's the scary one. it happens every year. whatever my response (whether a yes, a no or a "im not gonna tell u" look), they still think my reply is in affirmative. aha. and this year, my cousins got such nerves to go peeking into my phone's photo album in hope to find answers! no prizes to guess who was their number one suspect. haha.

then there was this auntie of mine - whom we all dislike. she asked me the boyfriend question like everyone else. before i could respond, dad came in and said, "yeah lah, got so many... got one Auntie introduced you to right?"

i played along and said "yeah.. but that one...*haiz* cannot make it lah". my auntie was a lil drunk and she did look a lil blur. haha. priceless moment.

anywaysssssssss, it's been aeons since ive used my beloved lappy. it felt so foreign when i did my uni applications... and even right now when im blogging... sigh. but it's a good thing to get away from my comp. i remember the horrible weeks we had when we had to look through our projects or type marketing tutorial answers inside. *shudders*

it's the hols but im feeling burnout. from projects, exams, partying, shopping and CNY. the last 4 weeks or so have been extremely hectic. im relieved that it's all over. but i dont know if im happy... strange huh?

2007-02-09T20:55:00.000-08:00

time flies. it just seemed like only last week when i first stepped into poly and now, i'm a student all (supposedly) geared up for the coming final year exams. everything passed by like a blur. and im getting old; gonna hit the big 2-0 this year. it sounds to scary to be real. haha. but seriously, what are the plans for the next 5 years of my life?

life is meaningful, but short. so we really should treasure every hour, minute and second we have. i want to do something that makes me feel that it's really something i wanted to do, and am proud of.

i guess, for now, studies definitely come first. do well for this last lap of exms, and get satisfactory results. after all that, maybe qualify for a local U and pursue a degree in finance - but i've to admit - i dont quite know why i want a degree but it does seem like everyone needs a paper qualificaiton in this world.

i may however, not become a financial adviser despite my degree. maybe i'd like to take a lil break from the stress of the world and travel. with my "closet" passion for drawing, i guess i might wanna be a travelling artist for awhile. and maybe devote some time to teach the poor lil kids there. so i'll be a part-time teacher cum artist. heh. hopefully i'll be able to make their learning journey an enjoyable one. while many are sooo into the whole rat race, i feel that one shouldnt just get a job that gives you a big fat pay check. as long as it is a respectable one, and it's something you've always wanted, why not go for it?

5 years down i'll be 25. hehz. definitely no plans on getting married cos i dont see a need to. and definitely no children. let's face it - children are only cute when they are less than 3 years old. just look at SuperNanny on TV, all those kids are like miniature versions of Wayne Rooney. rowdy, rude, boisterous, bratty and maybe even murderous - the supernany trailer keeps showing this sweet faced but mean lil girl who screamed, "i could just KILL YOUUUUU!" as she slammed her palms down on the carpet. woah woah woah. so not cute huh?

hah. anyways, i do have many many other vague plans, all boiling crazily in my head. (not gonna mention them here.) and some might say they are just plain wishful thinking. my mum does worry for me as i usually dont have "solid plans" or am not practical. she calls me a dreamer, with my head in the clouds. but shouldnt you believe in yourself and your dreams, for they might just turn out the way you plannned some day. *shrugs*

2007-02-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

gone with the wind?

seems like Mother Nature has been testing my tolerance. on tuesday, the wind blew the styrofoam (which was the wall of the prototype for our shop). the other styrofoam wall flew up and got stuck in a tree, while the wall paper flew onto the road and got run over by a motorcycle. all that happened when my groupmate was trying to transport the prototype from her house to school.

then, yesterday, when i was leaving for school, i tried to close the main door but the wind from the corridor area was so strong that it pushed the door further into the house. i felt as if i was doing a "tug of war' kinda thing, only that my opponent was invisible. how creepy.

and today, i helped to do the laundry. the wind blew one of dad's socks away. so i went downstairs to find it... walked near the bushes... then i saw something black in the bushes.. it looked a lil like a sock. i was about to go nearer when there was a movement in the bushes.

it jumped out.. and that it was... a black cat!

i shrieked like a banshee that the cat ran even faster and further. it was really swift... and before i knew it, i was standing near the bushes like an idiot... with goosebumps all out. the cat was gone. hehz. thank god no one was around at that time or i'd have to live my life with a paperbag over my head.

anyways, i think im falling sick.... all thanks to that yummy yummy bak kut teh @ bugis Ig introed us to. it was delish.. (definitely it's got MSG). but damn heaty. my throat's feeling cranky already. we browsed bugis village for awhile. i hate the weekend crowd. makes it super difficult to shop. i got a brown tube (which will match my brown shoes i bought last last wk)... yup. with that and my beret, i guess ive got my CNY Day 1 outfit settled! (:

2007-01-26T17:56:00.000-08:00

turning tables

thursday was crazy. i spent more 14 hours in my 3 inch heels AND, i actually ran in them. it was a crazy day for me, with things like the last minute printing and binding of our presentation materials, jiahui and i were late for the presentation so we ran a bit in our heels...

lucky for us, our presentation was a success. (: after school, i accompanied leong to meet a friend whom he hasnt seen for a long time before we went to fel's party. leong's "friend", ivan was kinda mean. unfortunately for us, we realised a bit too late that he had hidden agenda's for meeting leong.

basically, ivan was looking for partners to invest in some IT venture that he's doing for a school project. that, we only found out when we were just about a street junction away from his office. speaking of his friend's office, it really sucked because the office was shared with another company that sold really cheapskate looking lingerie that even my grandma wouldnt take a look at. seriously, who wears girdles these days?!

anyways, leong and i beared with him out of courtesy (though i felt that he definitely didnt deserve any!). we were led on a tour round the very unimpressive office. it bored the hell out of me. finally, he led us to a table and told us to take a seat while he gets a senior to talk to us.

aha - here comes the weird part. we didnt have freedom of choice when it came to the chairs we wanted to sit on. the seating arrangement ivan had in mind for us was to "corner us"... where he and his senior will be sitting at either sides of us. i scanned the room and saw this sitting pattern prevalent. at every other table, i see two peeps dressed in formal wear "cornering" their"victim". while ivan left us to find his senior, leong read my mind too.

so guess what? we made a dash for it... out of the office. the office is on the ground floor but leong didnt lead me out of the building, instead.. we found ourselves running towards a stair well near the fireman's lift. we ran up to the 2nd floor, to find the door locked. desperate, we ran up another level to the 3rd, and found ourselves near the car park.

there was a toilet there so we ran in, locked the main door. thank god for leong there wasnt anyone inside because the toilet we ran into was the ladies! gosh. we stayed there for a good 10 minutes, while catching our breaths and laughing at what a ridiculous thing we had done. what a retarded mini "adventure".

the stupidest thing was that he just "happened" to know where to find the stairs. he said he had no freaking idea where he was leading me to, and he had no idea what building it was.

but all he knew was that getting out of the building through the main exit was a definite no-no cos it'll be easy for ivan to find us. which is true i guess... the streets outside were definitely not crowded so it would have beenn easy to spot us. that's something i wouldnt have thought of... *shrugs*

and i never thought we'd do such extreme measures to get away from a pushy "salesman". yup... it was totally crazy, dont you think so, leong?! anyways, my heart was beating at a crazy rate. the adrenaline rush died down and that was when i started to feel the cramp in my legs (it's due to my heels i guess... and the running up 3 flights of stairs in them).

but it was pretty fun (and funny). leong diverted the calls on his phone. then we saw the smses coming in, asking about where we were and what's wrong and were we in a rush. stupid questions, really. i mean, if you havent seen someone for years but you want them to invest in your school project venture, you gotta build some rapport over time first - instead of tricking them and saying that you want to meet them cos you havent seen them for so long. it's disgusting.

but it's still funny. ivan may have thought that he could control the rules of the game by fooling leong.. maybe ivan was even glad that leong had brought me along. more people equals more capital for him? afterall the two of us had blindly followed him to his lion's den.

but the tables on him at the last minute. even we were surprised at what we did. (:

after changing my plaster and freshening up and we guessed that the coast was clear. we got out of the toilet and made our way out of the building via the carpark. lucky my "tour guide" was familiar with shenton.

we boarded some bus to harbourfront before taking the north east line to clarke quay, and had... proper fun with fel and the rest at brewerkz. by the time we actually got there, i was totally exhausted (i had afterall slept at 3plus in the morning!). *sheepish look* paisei!

anyways, looking at the whole ivan thing in retrospection, it sorta freaks me out.. i mean, what if 10 years down the road i get a call from some friend i havent seen in a long time, and he/she is as sneaky as ivan? i dont think i'd wanna do the whole running up the staircase and hiding in the toilet thing again... lol.

ive made a random list of things to learn after i graduate: nanchaku, coil spinning, cooking, yoga.. alrite i see i know you are thinking "no... not again". yes, i always get weird ideas when the exams are nearing.

2007-01-19T23:05:00.000-08:00

im so puzzled by my Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde behaviour.

the moment i step into campus (or even taking the bus to go to school), i feel like dying. it's like little things here and there that irritate me, but i dont say it cos im too tired of everything. then when im out of it, whoosh, i feel like a helium balloon.

anyways, last night's dinner at C&F with fel and irene was a great way to end the week. i may have dodged your questions of concern but really, i dont want to rant or think about all the sticky stuff im stuck in. why not just have fun while we're together? (:

i did some lame tricks like my gravity defying ring trick and knife-in-the-bread trick. im getting tired of whinning that's why i try to amuse myself by giving you a little (lame) fun. lol. dont worry about me. only 3 more presentations and 1 report to go. they wont kill.

we did a bit of window shopping too and i bought a pair of shoes last night from far east! a simple pair of dark brown pumps. yes..they are FLATS. heh. my style too. i've sworn off heels already. so what if they are pretty? they are nasty toe-cramping torture devices in pretty packages.

hmm.. i helped out for open house today. it's really dumb because Mua - an accountancy student - had to explain to people about the darn Business Studies course. but lucky i can crap my way through and pretend to be a business studies student.

the other 2 co-helpers were bugging me more than the other classmates with me. i hate it that they were always standing so near. and they think they are helping me when in fact they are screwing things up. it's like when im explaining to a group of visitors, either of them will stand nearby and cut in suddenly. they make things worse for me because they talk a lot but they dont answer the visitors' questions.

sheesh man. it's the Male Answer Syndrome - where some men like to answer a question even though they dont know the answer. i always have to shoo them alway and clear the mess myself. -__-

and when i was alone, one of them asked very lame questions like, whether am i in year one and what do i think of the bartender (we had a bartender in the room). the other one was also a pain. he asked if we had met in this year's BAoC (business & accounting orientation camp). i just shot him a "duh" look, said that i wasnt even there and hurried off to the toilet. i had to get away... or else, i'd really have smashed their heads.

heh. yet again, my patience level drops 3 fold whenever im in school. i really dont know why. i wish there's something i can do about it.

2007-01-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

nothings
i stared blankly in front of the window
listening to the rhthym as the rain, like pellets,
hit my pane.

the flowers outside
disintegrate into mud
they fall over and lay buried

and droplets
like murderous hands, pumet them to death.

shallow pools
grow from little ponds to oceans
their murky depths are reditioned
by people running through the rain

hurdles to clear
23rd jan: company law presentation
25th jan: marketing presentation
29th jan: enterprise creation report
1st feb: enterprise creation presentation
(registration for uni begins too)
9th feb: 1st exam - econs!
(exams all the way till 15th)

arghz. freaking projects, exams and uni applications.

i have no idea where my life is leading me but some of your lives have led you to me. my blessing perhaps and your misfortune? heh. for the support you've given me through this tough time, thank you.

2007-01-11T09:33:00.000-08:00

haha. i realised my last post was dated last year. today, we are 12 days into 2007. i can still remember the fireworks we watched 12 nights ago at marina... while everyone was screaming and "wooting", i was so seduced by the display that my mind went ablank. but i was happy. if i could, i'd want to watch it all again and not think of anything.

some things at school are so bad that i can cry. i mean, if i wasnt mentally stable i would have broken down. i havent shed tears amid being stabbed in the back but before i sleep, i think about it. even dad's so stressed that he cursed quite a fair bit in his sleep. he has his own freelance deals to be pissed about. like mine, his situation involves backstabbing. but his is scarier cos the person who backstabbed him doesnt know him but is a fraudster who tells clients that he had worked with my dad and painted a negative picture of him. it's amazing how business rivals would stoop to such unscrupulous means just to steal a deal.

disgusting.

2006-12-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

1. fat fat fat
ive been eating a lot a lot a lot lately. those who've seen me have seen it. and ive put on some weight. (im sure you an tell). argh. my physical fitness test is coming up soon. so much for my plan to keep thin. i hate xmas! it turns me into... a disgusting blob of ___ (insert whatever noun you want here).

2. sin #1: allowing myself to fall to temptation
ive been coughing lately cos of the great chocs my dad got from his pals. i caught flu and then later my cough got worst. i swear i stopped eating chocs when i had the cold. but the cough just worsened. bleah. the consequences i have to bear.. for being unable to resist those sexy yummy little pralinesssssssss. rah! (they are also another reason why i got fat)

3. sin #2: being "thoughtless"?
i had a pretty big misunderstanding recently. i'll give you an analogy. assume that Anna and Ben have been good neighbours for years. Anna made a self-invitation, knocked on Ben's door and was let in. subsequently, Anna didnt give Ben an invitation so Ben didnt knock on Anna's door and Anna didnt open doors for Ben.

my thoughts are that Anna must feel very close to Ben because she drops the formalities and dares to make a self-inivtation to Ben's home. although Anna didn't give Ben an invitation to visit her home, it doesnt mean that Ben isn't welcome. IF Ben knocks, Anna will open her doors and give Ben as much hospitatlity as what he had shown her.

but one day.. Anna found out that Ben thought Anna was a miser and an ungrateful piece of crap . but Ben cant be blamed for thinking so. afterall, he is a nice chap who feels that friends should reciprocrate. as Anna didnt give him an inivitation, he thought she was stingy.

the whole big mess is nothing but a big misunderstanding, which resulted from the lack of formal invitations. but between close friends, are formal invitations needed at all? to good friends of mine, they just need to knock and i'll answer. even if i dont give out house invites, you can just drop by and i'd be glad to play host for you. never think that i wont reciprocrate your kindness. but of course, i know i have areas i have to work on. i'll try to make my care for you in more obvious ways, to make sure misunderstandings like this doesnt happen ever again. (:

(of course, the misunderstanding between me and someone isnt about neighbours and house invites. i love my friends, care for them and i badly want them to know it. because i know some will feel uncomfortable making self-invites, i will make the effort give them invitations instead. also, invitations makes me a more sincere host.) :p

4. comfort: so i had been pretty much traumatised by this misunderstanding actually. it created self-hatred in me. but i have some friends to thank for supporting me - a pal told me not to change one bit of my trademark cold and mean nature as it was these attributes that made him talk to me much. such a stupid statement that made me hate myself (a little) less.

2006-12-21T18:51:00.000-08:00

a rubber band that is not stretched has not served its purpose.

that was what one of my colleagues at IRAS told me last night. he just got a new job at deutsche bank a few days ago. im not quite surprised about his job switch cos he is always on the go. but really, how many of us are capable of stepping out of our own comfort zones and try something new?

he said his mum was totally against his move cos he'll miss out on his year-end bonus, and he has to "start from scratch", build relations at a new company which is a pretty different environment.

that's why it's great to know he hasnt regretted his move. sometimes, opportunity only knocks on your door once.

2006-12-14T18:56:00.000-08:00

common tests have ended!

went to vivo with some ta09 friends and jiahui (i still consider her a ta02-er). it was a leg-breaking experience. remind me not to go there when the GSS comes. but if i do go, i'd be eternally grateful if you buy me a wheelchair.

anyways, we later caught up with bee and clar over dinner at manhattan fish market. i wont be going there again any time soon cos i think we scared the poor waiter. he seems quite new. even the way he took orders... but anyways, that's besides the point. what scared him was, after he took the orders, someone amongst us just had to say "thanks, sexy".

and there was also my desparate reaction when he wanted to take away the seemingly empty and useless pot on the table. i wanted to put shells in it later. so when he was about to reach for it, i shielded it with my hand and repeated "no! no!". i didnt know i'd have such a strong reaction too. i was as surprised as he was.

yup. MG friends would know that that little goofy drama is very me. i felt more like myself when im with those 3 girls last night than i was with my ta09 friends. it's just a chemistry thing that explains my very different sides. AND im still so good at cracking clar up. i used to do it almost every day when we were in the same class with jen and rad too. but last night, i broke my record. i made her laugh till her hands went limp and her hand clutchbag just fell out of her hands. haha. we were walking out of the sommerset station btw. imagine how embarassing it was for me, bee and jiahui!

that was just one part of our silly adventures last night. i havent told you about clar's card getting stuck in the card top up machine, causing us 3 girls much trouble again. and... there's also clar's knight in shining armour who thought she was a double degree student... hmmm. haha.

apart from having a good time, i did bump into jaron too. he said an enthusiastic "huiru!!!!!!" but i was disappointed because we girls had been waiting for ages for a waiter to come. of course i felt guilty for being disappointed over such a silly matter so i returned his greeting with all smiles.

anyways, the night before, someone SMSed me a joke telling me that im the dumbest person in the world. believe me, that was the lousiest joke of the world. and just last night, another person SMSed me the sweetest but biggest lie in the world. i dont want to think what strange SMS i'd get tonight....

note: if you are thinking of joining the trend of weird SMSes, dont even try. im PMSing: that explains why i had an appetite for such a heavy supper after getting home....

2006-12-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

Barney is so cooooool

i like this fake Barney video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krxj7gtcl2s
it's the first time i cracked up watching that purple dinosaur.

isnt that pakistani "gansta" song so catchy? if barney changes its silly "i love you, you love me" songs into ganster raps like these, it'll be a sell-out! right. ignore me. i'd like to blame the stupid test preparations' that is getting into me. it's only during times of "studying stress" that i watch dumb things like these. really.

2006-12-08T02:05:00.000-08:00

2006-12-05T17:50:00.000-08:00

so was it bad luck or just bad karma?

within minutes after i've left my home, bad luck grabbed me by my hands and refused to let go. ):

i was crossing the street in a hurry when *piak* my right charles and keith slipper suddenly felt strangely loose. it was sooo unexpected. i was thinking "shit.. dont tell me.."

and hoho, my greatest fear came true: my slipper snapped! it's quite new. i bought them only a few months ago (on a friday the 13th in Oct). i was sorta stranded stupidly on the road divider. it's quite dangerous to just stand there so i made my way to the other part of the street with my right foot bare.

intending to give dad an emergency call and ask him to bring down a pair of pumps for me, i dug into my bag to look for my mobile. searched frantically for it but it just wasnt there - i left it at home! perfect. i had to run after a lady and borrow her mobile. great thing was, I FORGOT MY HOME NUMBER. yup. how "lucky" could i get?

i really had to walk back home with my right foot bare. the only thing i could thank god for was that there were only a few people walking around my neighbourhood. i would have died of shame if this all happened at mid day.

it was a mad rush. because of all these crap, i was running late for my econs class. i cant be one minute late or else my "lovely econs tutor" will lock the doors on me. i had to take a cab. i had no choice. the cabby was nice. he gave me... a ten cents discount. the cab fare was $9.10 but he charged 9 bucks. yes - on a normal day, i'd think a ten cents discount isnt an issue. but yesterday, when it felt as if the whole world was against me, the ten cents discount made me a little comforted. i mean, i was really so down in luck i could almost die of depression.

luck really isnt on my side lately. the night before, my printer seemed possessed and just kept jamming. at the same time, i had a hard time swallowing the fact that a pretty important email that i sent never got received by eugene for some strange reason - and i didnt have a back up. i dont even know who to be angry at. And i dont like my new neighbour downstairs. they moved in on sunday. sincce then, ive occassionally caught them they looking up into my room when i happen to pass my window (the kitchen window sorta faces my bedroom window). great, so i have voyeurs as new neighbours.

hopefully the bad luck fades by the time common tests start. i dont wish to turn green in the exam hall upon looking at the econs test paper my "lovely econs tutor" set. already she said before in the LT that if we are unprepared for the test, our faces will turn "as green as huiru's green top". so.. if i flunk badly, she may crack some silly joke about my face turning green.

i vividly remember the first lecture we had with her, she told us to take down a certain date and time. we took it down... and she said almost 90 percent of us will make it there. and that date we took down, mind you, was the date of the retest. ok so back to the thing about common tests and all, something tells me, I NEED ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD (if not i'll prolly be retained in poly; but which joker - apart from nick - spends more than 3 years in poly...?).

i know i sound rather bratty and whiney in this terribly post. thanks for bearing with me. *takes tissue and sniffs*

Y lots,
Ru

2006-12-03T01:49:00.000-08:00

ooops! i havent been helping my immediate neighbour water his potted orchids. he's left for australia and will be back in 4 mths' time. *gulp* hopefully a new orchid flower will bloom within 4 mths. the original one has withered! whoopsie.

i usually use the remaning water in my water bottle from school to water his plants but due to my sore throat lately, i dont have extra water to share with the plants after school. the tests are around the corner (i can smell the papers already) but mum of all times, bought great chocs that realy got me chopping on one after another. some things are just too hard to resist!

haiz. i cant wait! cant wait for the tests to end. i counted: in just about another 7 weeks after the common tests, that will be the end of this semester. :DDDDDD

everytime common tests are near, i have so many things that i wanna do! btw, ive been toying with the idea of trying out this so-called sport called "free running", where you jump from high places, like roofs to roofs or even run up against a wall and do a back-flip before coming back down to land (like what they do in those kung-fu shows haha!)

watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpCOhrmbHow to see what free running is about. it's quite a bo-liao sport where you just leap off high grounds and do some weird stunts but it sure looks exciting.

2006-11-29T02:09:00.000-08:00

gossipy boys and lousy jokes

stupid Nick called bro just to say he saw me and Carrie studying together in school. bro was shocked. maybe nick was too thats why he called bro in the first place. still, i cant believe that guys can be so gossipy! and im pretty annoyed at that!

the silliest thing was: i dont know any one by the name of Carrie. silly Nick got it all wrong (serves him right for pretending not to know me in school but secretly trying to fill bro irrelavant details bout me!). he must have mistaken one of my tanned friends who was with me at the study benches as Carrie the masscommer who was once part of their skateboarding crew.

wth. ive been quite pissed at guys lately. their jokes are becoming harder to swallow. like i had one friend who whined about those Changi Village "women" who 'eyed' him. he said he felt like he was being raped with their stares. so i told him serves him right anyway because he should have known what sort of place changi village is. but dumb him said "yeah maybe you're saying this cos you are one of them...i know you wanted to rape me for very long already". -__- har har? get me a puke bag please. make it an up-sized one.

oh yeah, ive been keeping up with music of today's time. (i usually go backwards, sometimes to as far as the 80s) but now i really dig this song by Pink called You and Your Hand. one of my fave quotes from it is "keep your drink and give me the money. it's just you and your hand tonight."

it's a nice song... and those 2 lines that i picked out are pretty cool, especially for use against an idiot's bugging you to go out with him for a drink! i like Pink. so many things about her scream 'girl power'. (: yay.

2006-11-26T04:34:00.001-08:00

the mr hyde in me was unleashed. i stuffed myself to max on sat night at cafe iguana, won a drinking competition against ig and claimed $50 in bets. not that i drank more. i just gulped faster.

i was really bloated. worse still, a stranger offered to buy me a drink. i didnt feel flattered at all. and there was something about his hair i cant stand. anyways, i asked him to get me a hot milo before scurrying to the ladies. he must have thought that i was weird. *shrugs* all the better.

but retribution did come and i couldnt get away from it: i did the merlion. sigh. guess it was screwdrivers which i still cant take very well. not that im really into binge-drinking but now that school's so stressful, you feel the need to get something "out".

saturdays like these can be good once in awhile. still, today i woke up to reality. a throbbing headache that was so hard to sleep off: mum's nagging adds on to it too. the scariest of all: i still have plenty of tutorials to do. and then it'll be back to school again the day after, to see the econs tutor with an acid tongue, and die in comp law tut...

2006-11-22T05:19:00.000-08:00

ever heard huiru roar?

yeah. ive been roaring. at home that is. haha. i feel mad. it's as if im dr jekyl and mr hyde. i get so mad at every little thing at home. cant find this and that and i go mad. the printer's out of ink (and everyone in the house is too lazy to buy) so i get mad.

poor me. but you know what? im blessed that i have low blood pressure - because that means, when im so darn pissed, my blood pressure will at most shoot up to the "slightly above normal blood pressure" range. haha.

havent been blogging lately. been awfully busy. how sad. school today was... slack. but sitting through 3 lectures - all at the same LT was indeed a pain in the butt. sigh. i wore a very green top today (huh huh). during one lecture, the lecturer was telling us some "general knowledge" facts that arent exactly general knowledge. nontheless, she said we better know it or else our faces will be as green as... my top.

oh wow? every tutorial and lecture with her, i think i have a bemused look perpetually stuck on my face. i dont quite know how to accept her humour. sometimes, you dont know if her humour is just dry, totally tactless without intent or meant to insult. ive been warned that she hates guys from ACS for some strange unknown reason. so this week, she did ask what school i came from. that, was the first time i felt like lying and claim that im from nanyang! ahah. but i didnt. i mumbled "methodist girls". she nodded and said 'mgs...'

i dont wanna think what's running through her mind.

2006-11-14T05:40:00.000-08:00

i had such an amazing day today.

i woke up early, rushed all the way from home to the convention center, just to find that i had arrived half an hour before the actual time for some boring talk i was "compelled" to attend.

and how could i have made such a "blunder"? the reason was, some module rep had msged us all to come at 9am. but she herself strolled in at 930am - the time when the talk's just about to start. the word is "strolled" mind you. and then she claimed that the whole "reach at 9am" thing was the tutor's instructions.

if she ran upon seeing the whole class already waiting for her, i may have pardoned her. seriously, we waited a good half an hour for her. already, she didnt inform us the truth. she should understand that we are upset enough already and we still had to wait for her to come at 930 so that SHE can take our attendance.

the best thing she could have done was to apologise instead of saying "good! all the usual latecomers are already here". it's stuff like these where you can learn quite a lot about a person.
-----------------------

anyways, funny quote of the day: i'd rather pretend to drown and hope the lifeguard will save me than do the doggie paddle. (said by a certian someone who forgot how to tread water. my goodness!)

2006-11-11T18:44:00.000-08:00

slave for school

i was walking down orchard last night with cherie after a heavy meal at manhatten fishmarket (i ate more than half of the seafood platter for 2!). strange thing was, as we passed those roadside booths, i started to think about school work - stuff about my entrepreneurship project. how irritating. i couldnt enjoy the xmas decos as much as i wanted to. yup. it's only the 4th week of the semester but i feel suffocated!

school's so irritating. it eats into my lifestyle. im even thinking of doing serious training every monday morning to get myself ready for the NAPFA test. (as i mistyped NAPFA as NAFTA just now. north american free trade agreement... international econs? my gawd.) im going nuts. really have to need to be careful - last thing i want is to go for counselling with "miss trenchbull".

2006-11-06T05:01:00.000-08:00

the nightmare begins

Last night, I had a dream about you. In this dream I'm dancing right beside you. And it looked, like everyone was having fun; a kind of feeling I've waited so long.

Don't stop, come a little closer. As we jam, the rhythm gets stronger. There's nothing wrong; With just little, little fun. We were dancing all night long.

The time is right to put my arms around you. You're feeling right, you wrap your arms around too. But suddenly, I feel the shining sun...

Before I know it, this dream was all gone...

i really like the tune of digital love. it's so cute and catchy. surprisingly it's by daft punk. no offense to daft punk fans but ive always thought they're only capable of making weird music. hee.

oh yeah, i think i'll need to attend one of those "Chocoholics Anonymous" sessions and seek help. i cant control myself. it's as if, my appetite for chocolates is insatiable! haha. yes. insatiable sounds extreme but it's true. gosh, im so disgusted with myself.

huiru's such a pig! tsk.

2006-11-04T23:57:00.000-08:00

singapura cats

meowwwww.

last night, i was crazy enough to walk from the esplanade to fullerton with leong. if i wasnt feeling stuffed from all that fat-ladden rosti and calamari from marche, i dont think i'd have agreed to that "brilliant" idea.

anyways, i didnt know, until he told me, that those blackish (freaky looking) cat statues near the river are statues of the Singapura Cat. actually even when he told me, i thought leong was just crapping (as usual). i cant help it. afterall, the singapore mascot (i.e. the merlion) is pretty nearby.

but ive learnt the Singapura cat really exists! how i'd wish i'll get to see a real Singapura cat one day. maybe i should be entrepreneurial and buy two cats, breed them and sell the babies! those cats are said to be a rare breed. yup. actually, i think it's sad that i being singaporean, havent seen a singapura cat all my life.

speaking of the word 'life'... the weekends past too fast. it doesnt help that raihan pointed out to me on friday that there are 5 projects for us this semester. that means, for all my modules, i have a project. tutorials so far are enough to keep me busy. and it's tutorials that's keeping me from blogging - i have hardly any spare time to blog or chat online. and ive taken quite a long hiatus from reading one of sergio zyman's bestsellers. best part is, ive forgotten where ive stopped - and i cant remember much of what ive read. how great.

but im still glad jen's blurness perks me up. on friday's lecture, she spanked simon (the loud-mouth one from ta01)'s ass in the LT. ho ho! dont get the wrong idea. it's truly an honest mistake on her part. still, might i add that simon got quite high. ;) mwaha. funny jen! im glad she's back and rad's still in school but it's sad that clar's away from us now. rah. we 4 better meet up yeah. it'll be sad if clar bear doesnt even recognise us on the streets one day. haha.

2006-10-31T04:29:00.000-08:00

TIRED TIRED TIRED

i woke up yesterday morning and went running. then, for the rest of the day, i was terribly shagged out. and then today, i woke up earlier than usual to read the papers before heading to school (yes - that tutor's class is on today).

im soooo tired!!! must be the stress of attending that lady's class. hah. the class survived today. we struggled of course, but still survived. at least the lesson didnt "hang in the air" for long like the other time. so i can say, today's lesson's better. but i still find her insulting. not everyone has their own dreams and ambitions. the way she puts it, is as if what she prefers is the wiser choice.

it's scary how fast the weekend passed. but i had great company. maybe that's why time passes faster. (:

2006-10-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

smarter when he's drunk

there are times when you realise, no matter how far you travel down that tunnel, you'll never see the light at the end of the tunnel.

you then have 2 choices; do you continue, feeling your way through the dark, with the faintest glimmer of hope you'll see the light eventually, or do you accept that the light has vanished, and that your attempts to find it are answered only by the darkness?

it was bro's belated birthday celeb on saturday. he's hit the big 2-0 and was quite emo about that. so we found ourselves at cocolatte where he drowned it all. that was when he asked that earlier question.

i guess it's not quite a scenario-based question. rather, it's a question about life and its struggles. before i even had much time to think about it, he went on to say something strange.

he told me to never doubt the fact that he'd always have a ready shoulder for me to lean on.

he must have had reflected on those good old days, when we were once so close, then suddenly, we never heard from each other for almost half our lives. and when we finally caught up, it feels like we are familiar strangers/distant close-buds. it's quite confusing. really. it's a comforting statement to hear, after all that crap and that recent cold war we've been through.

he went on to say something much to my surprise. he said, "but still, there's only so much a person can give. just like a keg of beer. sooner or later, you're gonna be empty after passing the joy around. there's only so much a person can cry before tears run out. there's only so much a person can laugh before he draws his last breath."

emo boy was drunk but he was right about one thing. in some sense, though we want to give all we can, there is a limiting factor beyond our control that hinders the amount what we can give.

it also means, what we actually receive from others, is secondary because what matters is the sincerity behind it all. what we receive can be seen and counted, but sincerity can only be felt. it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisble to the eyes.

i guess most of the time we're so focused on the tangibles we get from people (example: omg! a prada bag!), that we forget the intangibles. while there's a limit on the tangibles we can give to others, but there's no limit as to the sincerity a good soul offers; it's boundless, priceless and most meaningful.

the day i expire, i hope the others know that there was a lot more that i wanted to give than i actually did give. of course i may have regrets on that. but i just hope the worthy ones know, in that little bit that i gave, the sincerity was always there. at the same time, im scared my loved ones may regret that they couldnt give me more, but they shouldnt worry or much less feel guilty about it at all. they gave me more than what they thought they gave.

but then again, most of us have already forgotten to see with our hearts. it was that night, and of all persons, a drunkard, who's less educated than i am, who woke me from my "drunken stupor".

2006-10-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

first day of school

first day of school started off pretty ok... but the last lecture made me feel like a disciplinary mistress was lecturing me in sec school or something. something about the lecturer, her rules on punctuality, self-learning etc that scare me. she has very high expectations. throughout the lecture, i was in a half-stunned, half-amused date. but ive to admit, no doubt she has high expectations, they are actually attainable and at the end of the day, im the one who benefits. but i just dont like the way she uses this authoratitive manner to psycho us... ah well.

on the way to lunch at al ameen with my classmates, i met effie tan on the bus!! she looks the same. it was a joy talking to her though it was less than 5 mins. but it worked wonders in lifting my mood. it's wednessday today but i was feeling the monday blues. meeting an old friend rids it all. it's nice to know that my friends are doing well. it's even nicer chatting with them, and feel that we may have gotten older but we can still relate to each other as we did when we were younger.

speaking of old friends, i'll be meeting meng and cherie tomorrow. hopefully they arent feeling the blues. speaking of polymates, i kinda miss ta02. it just feels different entering the lecture hall today. for the past 5 sems, when i enter the LT, i'll scout for my classmates. even the previous semester when i was already in a different class from them. so today, when i entered the pretty deserted corridor that leads to LT45, i was reminded of the days when we were in yr1. man. time files. time really flies...

anyways, in another 17 wks this semester will come to an end. that's... not that far away. hopefully the cranky old woman doesnt pick on me. (:

2006-10-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

yes no maybe, i dont know.
can you repeat the question?
cos you're not the boss of me now
cos you're not the boss of me now
cos you're not the boss of me now and you're not so big..

haha. that's the song from Malcom in the Middle. anyways, my last day of work was... great. i reached the office late (but i didnt care). but strangely, i got a lil more enthusiastic as i worked. then lunch came. had a very nice lunch of noodle soup with rae. after which, we went on this crazy expedition looking for... glass bottles. didnt find them but managed to find an alternative to store the cookies my friend baked to give our seniors at work.

we returned to work 20 mins late. but my supervisor didnt scold. hah. i took breaks in between my work to wrap the cookies. so of course, that meant i slacked a bit during work. i was lucky i can speed-wrap or else messages prompting me to work will appear on my screen.

i got more enthu as the day progressed. sorta like a prison inmate counting down to his release - he'll be willing to do any number of press-ups. yup. anyways, before i knew it, it was 430pm. time to knock off, for the last time. it was a happy sad moment. i dont quite enjoy work but i love the people. especially my supervisor, who has been really encouraging and protective - come to think of it, she never blamed us for our faults; instead, she guides us. and my workstation buddies - they crack me up.

as i was bidding farewell to everyone, returning my office stationery (yes we HAVE to return that), and surrendering my staff pass, an error message appeared on the screen. "hi, this is janice. encountering any problems?"

hah. the system tracked that i wasnt handling any cases for more than 10 mins so janice (one of the senior staff) typed this message. it's a hint that i should get cracking (janice doesnt know im leaving today). such pop-ups are usually annoying but this time, i could gleefully close the window and bo-chap about it.

so... i signed out on the time sheet for the very last time. sayonnara. as i stepped out of the building, i realised the time has finally come. (:

sorta reminds me of the time at NUS. i didnt quite like the work. but it was the people...

2006-10-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

the lamest pick-up line... ever.

this happened about two days ago actually. i was leaving my office for lunch when i saw the 40year-old-virgin outside the door. i tried to avoid him without much luck as it was just him and me along the walkway. he asked me something like is so-and-so working today. i said that that person's on leave. then he asked me some lame stuff about work that is so lame.

it's lame because it's about a basic principle that all temp staff ought to know, what more about himself, a permanent staff. it's as dumb as a additional mathematics teacher asking me, "hey, is 1 + 1 = 2?"

alrite, i know in some cases 1 + 1 is not 2. but still, generally it's 2 aint it? really lah, he's freaky. worse still, when so-and-so returned from her leave, i asked her if she lunches with him as he was looking for her. she said it cant be as they hardly talk and she never eats with him (it doesnt take a genius to wonder why).

even my workstation buddy, henny said it's the lamest thing she ever heard. seriously, he freaks me out. my workstation will be directly opposite his tomorrow. sigh. tomorrow's my 2nd last day of work. why must this happen?

today's friday the 13th. nothing bad really happened. but i bought new flats from charles and keith with rae during lunch. was paranoid that bad luck would strike- afterall, my current pair of slippers are showing signs of wear and tear. surprisingly, they didnt snap at all. but sooner or later ive gotta say sayonnara to them. so it's not exactly a waste buying the charles and keith ones today.

i'll be meeting fel to cut my hair this weekend. i guess botak is the way to go cos long hair requires so much maintenance. this song sounded creepy the first time i heard it when i was 15 or so but it's suddenly stuck in my head for no reason. ):

2006-10-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

"sorry i forgot that you're a girl".

i really freaked out when my friend told me this. i mean like what? all along you thought i was a guy or an "it"? he lamely said that i just have "habits that arent very girl-like". wow.

stereotyping. you know how much i hate it, for it oversimplifies the world. what are the traits of a stereotypical girl? so are all girls expected to display such traits in order to be called a girl?

ok maybe im being a total ass today cos i just realised i dont have any more coke at home. when i say coke, im referring to the drink, not the drug.

i'll be getting my pay soon. i'll be leaving my workplace soon. i'll be seeing jen, meijuan and rad in school soon (havent seen them in sch for ages). i'll be meeting meng soon. hopefully cherie and huiling and olivia too. i'll be... i do have plans for the future but that's provided, i wake up alive tomorrow. im so tireddddddddddddddddd.

2006-10-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

stuffed

i ate so much yesterday for lunch as well as dinner. i lunched with rae and tucked into quite a large serving of korean seafood noodle at united square. oh and that reminds me, i accidentally cut queue when i made my order at the korean stall. i stood at the wrong end of the queue but the cashier didnt chase me away. in fact, he took my order before those who queued. lol. i really didnt do that on purpose.

dinner was steamboat at marina bay. bee's birthday celebration. ate quite a bit of meat and got real stuffed. so stuffed that i decided to give the ice cream a miss. watching eunice and jus play time crisis reminded me of the days when i was fifteen. gawd. i remember it was around the christmas period and i was working. during most of the lunch breaks, my makan-kaki dragged me to the cine arcade where we trashed it out. that's like, 4 yrs ago. suddenly i feel so old now. hah.

hmm.. actually ive got something bothering me but i just dont have much time to think about it. i saw a shadow on my wall today. dont know where's it casted from but it does freak me out cos it's obviously a figure though not mine. that happened on sunday but lately i leave home early and come home almost close to sunset so i cant investigate much on it. sigh. hopefully it really is my imagination.

im quite pissed today cos all my colleagues bank books got credited except mine. my supervisor is trying to trace if there's any errors but really, why must it be me? so suay man. pray hard that tomorrow i get my money. ):

2006-10-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

forgetfulness can be a blessing...

that's one thing ive learnt on this job. 16 of oct will be the last day of my service there. that's about a week away. i cant really describe how work's been in one word. it's a mix of everything. i've had some fun; i've had some frustrations. i've had a good supervisor, i've had a bad one. apart from the some new friends ive made and the sweet supervisor of mine, i feel rather nonchalant about leaving.

yesterday i handled a tough case. that person left me with a sarcastic remark. the remark's not about me but it does affect my mood somehow. i feel as if im the punching bag that has to take blows for nothing. so, sometimes forgetfulness can be a good thing cos you hear all sorts of rantings that no doubt ridiculous, but are so damn annoying. thank god ive forgotten what happened in the past 3 weeks of my work. if i did, i may end up in an asylum. (:

also, i guess im lucky that i dont get personal attacks by those peeps i handle. one of my friends at work was screamed at and called a bitch. right. if any of my case subjects were to scream like a mad dog and call me a bitch, maybe i'd just innocently say, "wow, but how can that be? im not the one barking."

seriously, i hate angry demanding adults who insist on having things their way. and when they dont get it, they act worse than spoilt brats. they hurl abusives and think they're so clever. i thought there's nothing worse on earth than kids' crying. looks like i've thought wrong.

sigh. the haze.. it was so bad yesterday that on my way to the bus stop, i decided to flag a cab instead. later at night the PSI went up to a 150. but there were still hardcore soccer players at the farrer park field. i dont wish to think how much carbon monoxide they've breathed in.

going for lunch now. bee's birthday is tomorrow. amazing how the weeks fly by. it feels as if it's jiahui's birthday celebration just yesterday. lol. birthdays, birthdays... i just realised today that one of my dear friend's present is semi-covered in dust. long overdue. *wry smile* but we'll see each other soon.

mum's putting stress on me, for no reason. it's silly but it stresses me. for some reason, the topic on dialects came about and she said i should learn my dialects. dialects, with an "S" at the end cos my mum's cantonese and dad's teochew. my... i dont wish to learn either. to be honest, i'd rather learn hokkien. and she kept insisting that i should speak my own dialect and whatnot. it's annoying. to her, all things cantonese are the best things in the world. not that im anti-cantonese but i just dont like such a prejudiced mindset.

besides, if i learn both cantonese and teochew, im sure to screw it up and churn out something worse than singlish.. that's right, it'll be "can-chew". yucks. if it really happens, that's a fact too hard for everyone to swallow.

and my lil sis, she irritated the hell out of me by insisting she left her retarded prefect's badge on our dressing table. i happened to tidy our table this morning and after she realised her precious badge was missing, she got possessed by The Bitch. sigh. wont talk about it.

whoops. door bell rang just now. my neighbour handed me mooncakes. yes, we have nice neighbours in little india and he's chinese in case you were wondering. haha. he has a really nice flat (afterall, he's an interior designer). some pot luck dinner will be held at his place on sunday but... i think i'd give it a miss.

2006-10-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

phobias and

couple of days ago, i was handling a tax case when suddenly i heard the fire alarm ring. fear gripped me. for a moment i thought of standing up and running down stairs.

that sounds really kiasu but the fire alarm really did trigger unpleasant memories. there was once, i worked at the heeren. a restrauant on the same floor as where i worked caught fire. the place was smoky and smelt toxic.. prolly due to burning of plastics. the alarm sounded and i fumbled. most of us at the shops were unprepared. i didnt even know where the stair case was.

but of course, i did make my way out (if not i wont be here typing away). still... maybe some trauma got etched in my head. i never used to panic when the school fire drill sounded.

anyways, my mood is quite foul today. wont go into details about the event but i'll tell you how i feel. *takes deep breath* i feel as if im being treated like a prostitute, in the "do favours for someone but they just dump you after it's done" kinda sense. ah well, it's not my loss.

the haze is horrible. i was with bl in the esplanade area. and goodness, there were peeps on the hot air balloon thingi taking photos. god bless them, that's all ive got to say. haha. my nose is leaking like crap and my eyes are watery. but i dont know if that's due to my work or due to the weather. whichever it is, i feel sucky. full stop.

2006-09-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

thoughts

bleah. so part of my pay will go to CPF. sniff. that so sad... i mean, what if i die young? i'd never get to use it. quite a warped thought but really, i still cant quite appreciate this whole CPF scheme. sigh.

by the way, i was stranded in town today, thanks to the rain. my patience ran out so i decided to run in the rain to meet fel and irene. ha ha... big mistake cos i got wet when i darted between tangs and lucky plaza, and got even more drenched when i ran from lucky plaza to paragon. had to make a pit stop at paragon before i run to heeren. the distance is just too long and the rain too heavy.

so while waiting outside salvatore ferrgamo for the rain to grow less heavy. i stared hard at the ground, watching the rain make ripples into the already puddle-filled ground. then someone caught my eye - most of the peeps standing around me had brollies but this person wore a windbreaker and had the hood over his head. what's so interesting about that? well, his windbreaker bore the words big and bold - "FED EX".

and then i thought, hey, wasnt the tagline to fed ex "we live to deliver?" most fed ex adverts show the fed ex deliver people doing all sorts of stunts to get the mail delivered. and here's this fed ex guy, with a parcel in one hand, standing in the shelter waiting for the rain to stop...

but low and behold, after i came to the conclusion that advertisements tend to exaggerate afterall, that fed ex guy ran in the rain towards the taka area. so that means, earlier he was standing near me at paragon because he was waiting for the green man in front of taka to light up. he wasnt waiting for the rain to stop at all. hah. i had been to quick to judge him - he really lived to deliver. *salutes*

lunch was at sakae. had a unagi bento and a chawanmushi. an interesting topic came up as we lunched. i was telling them that while waiting for the rain to stop, i went to the paragon toilet to freshen up. in the mall, you've gotta open this door before you enter the carpark or the washrooms. i held the door open for someone who was close behind me, he stopped in his tracks and said, "ladies first".

woah. he even went over to hold the door for me. it made me realise... that i havent really met a chivalrous guy. let's not talk about chivalry - even basic courtesy is rare in singapore. dont you think so? i was getting out of the mrt train earlier and before the door even opened, the auntie behind was nudging me. how i wished i farted or something. hah!

work... has been hectic. my supervisor's supervisor is breathing down our necks lah. she's more "niao" than my supervisor. so sad. but while work makes me really busy, i do get some fun times with my colleagues. they got real amused when i made a return call to settle a case. the maid picked up and could only speak in malay so i asked for the handphone number of the person in question of my case. thank god i know my "satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima...etc" in malay.

as i repeated the handphone number over the phone, my supervisor heard me and was impressed. thank goodness luck was on my side and i had translated the numbers from malay to english correctly. should have seen that smile of relief when i managed to contact that guy via his mobile.

so... now word has gone round the office that i may understand malay. maybe that's why the malay aunties there seem to be talking less amongst themselves when im around... lol. this is so cool.

2006-09-29T06:02:00.000-07:00

the bitch in me

i realise that im quite schizoprenic at work. i can be real cheery one moment and the next, raising my voice like a banshee - it just depends on the other party im dealing with. had some buggers who sounded like complain queens. but i had my fair share of "mood-savers", including strangers who can make me laugh.

my job isnt easy. but what i like about it is that it really puts my patience to the test, as well as finding ways to "trap" liars in their web of lies. also, it's somewhat like a combi of customer service and taxation. i was only thought to handle personal tax matters at first but lately, ive been dealing with partnership and even corporate cases just to learn more. besides, my supervisor is keen to teach.

i had lunch with rachel on thurs before she flew to europe. lunch was at united square's pastamania. we share this buddy meal thingi which came with some banana pizza desert. funny thing was, as the waitress laid the plate of pizza on the table, the pizza just slid off and fell on the table. i was shocked. we were speechless for like two seconds. then the waitress asked, "um, do you want me to get you a new one"? so retarded!

"yes please" i heard myself say. i know that may make me sound like a fussy pot but hey... gawd knows what's on the table yeah? but there was a moment that i regreted requesting for a new one cos i was afraid they'll just bring it to the kitchen and re-heat it. i guess i was over-paranoid. it's a good thing that the oven area could be seen from my table and i saw with my own eyes that the waitress and her friends ate the pizza that fell on our table while the chef made a new one for us. phew. but i must say, that banana thing tasted good though.

something quite frustrating: mr roamy hands has been asking me out yet again. so natrually i turned him down yet again (im still sane you know.) he's quite a sad case because while he does try to understand why im feeling down, i cant be bothered to explain much to him. i dont even wanna spend time with him - and that's because i just dont like him. besides, there is someone else i like. he's attached. whatever. i bet this is my karma for hurting others. but hey, being down in luck doesnt really crush me so im still doing fine. daijoubu.

sigh. my work station tomorrow is directly opposite a pervert's! shant bother to look nice when i go to work tomorrow i guess. last week he kept popping over to my desk and asking lame shit that scared the shit out of me. he's really creepy - all girls are afraid of him. he's really weird and even asked a girl on what she thought about him getting a vietnamese bride and whether she has poly friends for him to date. she's my age btw. that's how scary he is. god bless me. it will be sad if the stars curse me to be a weirdo-magnet for this month. hah. what am i talking about? i dont believe in astrology.

2006-09-27T05:30:00.000-07:00

"Calendars and clocks exist to measure time, but that signifies little because we all know that an hour can seem as eternity or pass in a flash, according to how we spend it.

Time is life itself, and life resides in the human heart." -- Michael Ende

time is life itself and life resides in the human heart. an hour can seem like eternity or pass in a flash according to how we spend it... yup. that's true. time seems to pass a lot faster when we're enjoying what we do, and time just seems to come to a standstill when we're at something sucky.

i was real busy at work today. time whizzed like a japanese bullet train. i hit my record and corresponded with more than 60 cases. (my previous "personal best record" was 45 cases a day or something like that.)

work's been tiring yet fulfilling. and my supervisors have been supportive and nice. as for the supervisor that accidentally sarbo-ed me in the director's office on my 2nd day of work, well, im not reporting under her so thank god.

anyways, kinda back-dated but jiahui's surprise bday party went ok although we didnt have enough time to do the decorations. the balloons took frigging long to be blown. last time, i used helium pumps to get them blown. but this time round, we had to blow them by mouth because there wasnt a balloon pump in her house. the first ballon i blew took me more than 5 tries to get it inflated. for some reason, i was short of breath. and it didnt help that i had a blocked nostril. lol. but hey, in the end i think i blew about 3 balloons.

the door bell rang and we panicked, darting around the house and then we finally realised we should light the cake. as we lit it, jiahui entered the flat with her boyfriend and all we can do is stand sheepishly in the kitchen with the half-lit cake. but i guess, surprise parties usually have cock-ups but they never fail to make everyone happy and this party applies. (: glad you enjoyed urself jiahui.

anyways, it's my hols but i havent paid a visit to grandma yet. not that she's ill or anything but i do feel guilty not visiting her for half a year. i dont hate her or whatsoever. it's more of my aunts and cousins that get on my nerves. hate it when they try to pry into the nitty gritty of my life when they dont even care about me and are more interested in finding juicy stuff to gossip behind my back.

arghs. im having a headache now. i keep hearing a song... right i should get going yeah? before i rattle on more of my pointless banter. nite.

2006-09-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

my gosh

im feeling the gitters now. checked my new academic timetable. guess what? ive got KPT as my econs tutor for next sem. she's notorious in the school of BA i tell you. judging from what my freshies tell me, she hates girls and locks latecomers out of the class.

man... and i thought back then that LGL (the "notorious" accounting tutor) was hell. hah. im screwed.

ive been feeling rather PMSy lately. even shouted "toink simi?!" at a total stranger for staring at me lewdly as he cycled past s-l-o-w-y. irritating. and i got real worked up with a caller at work. i had so much adrenaline pumping in me that i was breathing real hard and my eyes got moist - not that i was scared or sad. he was a tough case to handle, bombarding me with all questions but refusing to buy my story.

so i got real pissed. real pissed that my voice got half an octave higher. if i could, i would have just "accidentally" press the 'release' button to end the call. i was trying to help him, giving him the best advice i could but all he wanted to do was "comprain, comprain and comprain".

as you can see, im really quite irritable now. got a flu to nurse too and that really makes me very cranky. got couple of other things to rant about. but i realise, that will make me look like a complain queen too so i might as well just shut my trap.

ive got an authentic "Forever Friends" bear lantern from FCMC. lol. it's a regular paper lantern just that it's got prints of the forever friends bears on it. but i cant bear to burn it. hah.

2006-09-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

6th beam

the stupid mosquito was buzzing near my ear at 620 this morning. trying hard to get a good 10 minutes of power nap before i wake up, i threw my blanket over my head to keep the mozzie away from me. my body itched like hell. must have been biten by that bugger when i was asleep.

0625+ in the morning. the sound from my handphone cut my sleep. it's an sms but it's so early in the morning? the message was from a friend whom i havent contacted for some time. the main point of the message, if i can summarise it in one line is, "when friends drift apart, who's to blame?"

who's to blame? honestly, i dont know. that is a question i had never gievn thought to. what i can say is, who's to blame depends on a case-to-case basis. in some cases, no one is at fault at all.

my definition of a friend is a person i know, like and trust. maybe im sounding dumbly optimistic but i believe that true friendship is able to withstand time and distance and most of my friendships will last. i love my friends. but there are times where we feel distant because i dont get the chance to regularly meet them up as often as i'd like .

still, this urges me to exercise better time management so that i'd be able to squeeze in time for them someday. of course life is not all that sweet and simple- there are sucky times when im free, they are not and/or vice versa.

it sucks; but i wont jump to conclusions to think that our friendship ends just there or is sure to go down the slippery road and become a thing in history. as ive said, when it comes to friendship, im rather optimistic. i trust that my friends are as understanding as i am to them, and that they understand how hectic student life is as well as i do. the little spare time that i have, has to be divided amongst family, different groups of friends and myself.

so... to that friend who messaged me the question this morning, i'll say in all honesty that the other time, when you said you had no friends, i got upset. i admit we dont meet up regularly. but that's because of two things: 1. i have really been busy back then during my academic term. 2. i thought that our friendship could endure the test of "distance".

maybe your definition of a 'friend' is different from mine. afterall, everyone has different opinions on this matter. i apoplogise for "neglecting" you due to my crazy project-filled academic term back then. i had tried my best to squeeze in time for you. but obviously, that was not sufficient since you said you felt as if you have no friends.

im confused right now, that's why im staying silent and not contacting you. since that day you said you had no friends, i think i have failed you as a friend. that day, i started thinking thoughts which i never thought before. i dont have plans to end our friendship but ive entertained thoughts like, will you be happier without a busy friend like me? did you consider me a friend in the first place? and these stem from the question: what's your definition of a friend and do i qualify as one?

maybe it's your turn to enlighten me.

2006-09-18T02:38:00.000-07:00

32 calls!

first day of work and i answered 32 calls. actually that's considered low because the girl next to me answered 40 calls. it's not so much that i was unproductive whatsoever. the thing is, i realise that the calls come streaming in according to our station number. it happens that mine is the largest number of the four officers in my area. so the first call goes to station of the smallest number, and when all other stations are occupied, only then will the incoming call come to me.

ah well. but im not complaining. surprisingly, work isnt as bad as i anticipated it to be. then again, this is just day one of me being independent. maybe it's still too early to gauge. but whatever. im glad it's pretty ok. i had grumbled last week cos that the clique im with were asked to do interviews while i got stuck with what i thought then as a crappy phone operator. but really, maybe this is a blessing in disguise because the interviewers were bored to death and "swatting flies".

so far, no one scolded me on the phone. today i only had TWO calls in chinese (thank god). my chinese really sucks. even my malay colleagues can tell me that "i speak chinese as if ive just learnt it". i have to agree with them on that though. (: ah well, but hey, i realised you dont need to speak a language well to be understood. and even though my chinese sucks, both chinese callers thanked me in chinese "xie xie ni ah, huiru. bye bye". see, so cute right? but there was an uncle who said that to me and goosebumps came running right up my skin. haha.

im having a headache now. ive got yet another online timetable selection exercise and the stipulated time im alotted is 1-3pm. d-a-m-n i-t. i dont know if im allowed to do this at work... rahhs. and im so sick of online enrolments because the system is sure to frigging lag. it's so stupid to need to select the timetable when there's nothing for me to elect since there's only ONE timetable for the finance option that i am in. goodness.

right. enough of rattling. im tired after a hard day's work.,..........zzzzzzzz

2006-09-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

maybe it depends on which group you're in

the last two days, work has been quite slack. so there are times where my colleagues and i chit chat. but it's kinda sad that they gossip. the thing is, there's this irritating short fart who likes to talk to me though i listen ear in ear out. he bores the shit out of me and everyone else. i usually try to avoid him but he just seems to keep popping out... (like a pimple).

the chit-chatters questioned me couple of stuff which are really exasperating. stuff like:
1. whether i realised that the irritating short fart is paying special attention to me
2. whether im single

about half of them guessed im single, the other half guessed that im attached. anyways, being a swinging single has always been my choice. so i frankly told them my status and then they were like "really ah"? and some looked at me as if i was a pitiful rag-and-bones man on the street. strange.

one asked if i felt anything lacking and whether i want to be introduced to someone. that was amusing and sad at the same time because they think that being single = being sad and lonely. i still think the media overrates and oversimplifies romantic relationships. they make it look as if one is incomplete if he/she doesnt find a partner. but if one adopts such a mindset, it may be unhealthy. you'll lack self-esteem and whatnot.

i flatly turned down that "matchmaking offer". i said that ive already got a headache from my suitors and dont need any more to add on to my misery. maybe that was a mistake, because they started asking really juvenile questions like, whether my suitors are handsome or tall or have dimples. looks. do looks really matter?

maybe to a certain extent. as long as the sight of him doesnt irritate me, dont really give a hoot. what wows me most in a person (be it a he/she) is character. quirky spunky and confident personalities especially, which i admit, are rare.

some of my colleagues poured out their relationship woes. one girl said she has been dating her guy for 4 years but feels as if she doesnt know him very well and whom she doesnt like as much as he likes her. i think that's sad.

it's like as if my colleagues are giving me the impression that they are dating because of their need to kill off loneliness and that to me, is quite a joke. my self-confidence and self-esteem isnt the least bit affected but im just concerned about people's mindsets when it comes to dating. it scares me. but then again, who am i to tick them off?

i was posed with a psychological question by one of them. it was something like, if im working late at night and have no time to buy my food, what would i ask someone of the opposite sex to buy for me? it's an MCQ question. the option that i selected was a "hotdog bun and a slice of watermelon" (the other options included "solid meals" like minced pork noodle and someother crap).

so anyway, it is said that peeps who chose the same option as me will have many "one night stands" and will most only truly like one person in my life. maybe that sounds sad to them, just like their lives sound to me. i guess, it all depends on which group you're in. but it doesnt quite matter what others think, as long as you dont lose faith in yourself. i still think that one needs to love oneself before one can love others. but then again, it's all up to personal judgement aint it?

my colleagues really seem to have to say a lot about me. stuff like i dont look local, that i look like the type who had learnt ballet or can play the piano. really scary how word spreads around. i only told a few that i stay at little india. then within a few days, more than half of them knew. bleahz. ive been feeling real tired lately. caught a cold too. i think it's due to the rain or the cold air conditioning in our meeting room. i slept at 11pm last night, all the way to 10 this morning. still have to guide my sis for her CME (civis and moral education) project...

it's about writing an account of a pregnant teenager. they seem to recycle project questions dont they? anyways, this time its cooler for her. she can make use of a blog. i still remember my time i did the old fashion diary style. ah well, kids are real lucky these days. sigh. i still feel tired.... i had answered calls in chinese yesterday. at least 5 or 6. really need to brush up my chinese cos it's damn rusty. im quite dead i think.

2006-09-10T06:23:00.000-07:00

stay home sunday

it feels so lame to stay home on sunday due to an infected eye! tsk. i feel so pathetic. the doc advised me to stay home. hmm.. so far, the swelling has gone down. the eye's not as itchy. the redness is gone. i guess im not exactly at risk of losing my eye. but the thing is the lump (aka stye) hasnt "erupted" yet. not quite looking for it to burst actually.

you see, the doc says the swelling is from the underside of my eyelid. because it's not on the outer part of my eye, i'll experience discomfort when it bursts. if it doesnt burst, i'd have to seek the help of a specialist to "drain" it out. great.

im still quite stumped as to how did i get my eye infection. if old wives tales are to believed, my swollen eye was the result of me having peeped at someone. and come to think about it, i did take a peek at some guy on the NUS shuttle bus. haha! what a thing to admit. right. but hey, eunice was saying that guy has very nice eyelashes. so of course i was curious. im not blaming eunice but im blaming Mr Pretty Eyeslashes. so... beware of pretty boys on the NUS shuttle bus. ;-o

alrite. time for me to sleep. first day of work at iras tomorrow. taxation! one of my few pet modules besides auditing. hopefully my work experience at IRAS doesnt spoil my love for the module though. right. shant rattle on anymore. おやすみなさい!

2006-09-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

eyes

i woke up yesterday with slightly puffy eyelids. i did apply eye cream. but today, it got so bad that the double eyelid seems to have disappeared.

it was... quite a scary sight to wake up to.

so i saw the doc this morning. he asked me quite a lot of nonsensical questions - even took my weight (seriously, what has weight got to do with my eyes?!)

besides the usual eye cream, i was given pills to take: antibiotics and anti-swelling cream - that's how bad it is.

sigh. the doc said if it doesnt get better by sunday, i have to see him before going to an eye specialist to cut my eye and remove the lump. of course i hope my eye will recover. but i wont fret too much lar. the swelling has subsided a little though my eyelid is stil thicker than the other.

alrite im hungry. gonna grab a bite. compared to my secondary school weight, the weight i took today was about 3 kg less. now that it's the hols, there's no stress so this is a great time for me to start pigginggg.

2006-09-06T07:59:00.002-07:00

random tuestday

1. i realised i sent a blank email to my professor, and the advert run by MSN below the list of attached files was "find ur perfect match at truematch.com" or something like that. i felt like killing myself.

2. needless to say, it took me a while before i devised a way to prevent any misunderstanding it felt as if god was mocking me. thank god the professor took it lightly; thank god he knew i wasnt up to mischief.

3. i went to town alone. almost everyone i knew was either at work or in uni. but it's still quite ok. besides, i had personal stuff to get myself.

4. i got approached by 2 separate talent agencies within a span of 3 minutes. i turned both down pretty easily. boy am i glad ive finally discovered the magic sentence to say so that they will immediately let me go. im not interested in modelling and of course i know where i stand in terms of looks. there's no way i can compete with denise keller. and i HATE being in front of the camera.

but saying "im not interested", no matter how frank an answer, is not strong enough a reason to reject them; most "talent scouts" ive bumped into were very pushy. (i really suspect they just want so called 'fresh faces' to sign up for their modelling and make up classes and portfolio creation and what not).

here's the line that will work wonders at warding off those "evil pests"... just tell them, "im sorry but i dont live here". you'll be surprised: it works. that's cos they need you to be in singapore when they want you to either do assignments or go for their classes.

it's disgusting that the industry seems so hungry for new people that they just pick anyone on the streets (some agencies play sneaky games to earn profits from model wannabes). but if you wanna be spotted and wish to take advantage of the industry players' "grave need to find new faces", just take a walk down orchard road. nonetheless, exercise caution when dealing with them.

5. sigh. i'll be working at IRAS on friday i.e. day after tmr. just kinda shagged lately. working at NUS is ok. the workload manageable, environment warm and comfy. the only sad thing was waking up at 6 each morning when i sleep at only one plus or two plus. i can toss and turn for hours. so sleep deprived.

6. im upset with my lil sis. she usef my phone and because there wasnt enough space for her to receive messages, she deleted some messages in my phone. as if that's not bad enough, those she deleted happened to be meaningful words from important people. irritating but life is like that. there are many precious things we cant take with us forever. also, there are many things that are gone before we even learnt how to appreciate it.

besides friends family gifts and talents, time is one thing that i just dont know well enough to appreciate. it slips past so stealthily without us even knowing. we look at the clock but it never really occured to us where does lost time go.

2006-09-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

Care to listen to the words of a roadsweeper?

"Sometimes, when you've a very long street ahead of you, you think how terribly long it is, and feel sure you'll never get it swept.

And then you start to hurry; you work faster and faster, and everytime you look up, there seems to be just as much left to sweep as before...

And you try even harder, and you panic, and in the end you're out of breath and have to stop - and still, the street stretches away in front of you. That's not the way to do it.....

You must never think of the whole street at once, understand? You must only concentrate on the next step, the next breath, the next stroke of the broom, and the next and the next. Nothing else.

That way you enjoy your work, which is important because then you make a good job of it. That's how it ought to be.

And all at once, before you know it, you find you've swept the whole street clean, bit by bit. What's more, you aren't out of breath. That's important too" he concluded.

I guess, if I were a roadsweeper, I'd be the foolishly kan-cheong one who "chiongs" like mad. I rushed and rushed - and because I did, I did not really like project work especially because come the deadlines, I feel so out of breath, my immune system fails and the saddest part: the project just seems a chore.

My uni friends are learning to adapt to a hectic academic life., one that's packed with lectures, tutorials, projects, projects and projects. At the same time, my poly friends will be starting their 6th month internship - they'd either be very busy or very free. I just hope they remember the Roadsweeper's words and reflect on it.

No doubt it can all be summed up by a common saying "take a step at a time", how many of us actually follow it when we're assigned a task? Charging like a mad bull doesnt exactly equate to productivity. Well, in the midst of sharing this with you all, I'm reprimanding myself actually.

Anyways, dont be surprised if you feel a sense of deja vu hearing the story above. It's afterall taken from Momo, a children's fantasy book written by some (already dead) German guy. It sprang back to memory when I watched this silly korean comedy. Surprisingly children's books can be packed with so much symbolism. But my all time favourite book will still be The Little Prince by Saint Exupery. Haha. That was random. Gonna bathe now. Gonna work tomorrow. Hopefully I wont chiong like siao at work. (:

2006-09-02T06:02:00.000-07:00

my life, my mum's rules

yes. it's quite laughable. when im home, i feel like a jailbird, and mummy plays the prison warren. she nags at what i eat. she orders that i tidy my bed. and she'd get reall harsh if i defy the "lights out" period.

and just minutes ago, she was scolding me about my shoes. you see, we dont have a shoe rack. i dont see a point in having one anyways. i'd rather have them laid on the floor so it's easy to see them, pick and choose. but the empress of the house wants them put properly into their original shoe boxes as she says "there are already too many shoes here." i dont have smelly feet but i think it's always good to air the shoes.

i casually said that we have different ways of living. then she retorted that i was being inflexible. i nearly said "look who's speaking". but i held it back - and im glad i did. the last thing i want right now is to start another quarrel with her. i'm frustrated enough.

you know, the offer to work at NUS which i had once looked forward to? well... ive dropped it. the arrangements got kinda complicated. it's sad that things had to turn out this way. anyways, i'll be volunteering there for 2 days. it's the best option that i can handle. heck. dont wish to dwell on it now. but im fine. im not dodging the issue. in fact, ive settled it already.

so... i'll be working at NUS on monday and tuesday next week. from then onwards, i'll be working at IRAS which is the statutory board that deals with all your taxes. (: ive stopped exercising for 2 days. lately i wake up feeling tired and sad. i guess it must have been the whole NUS thing that had bothered me then.

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2006-08-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

k-fever

ive caught the korean drama fever! haha. spent half the day being a couch potato and watching 5 episodes of Save the Last Dance for Me at irene's place. im usually not a sucker for korean dramas. but for some strange reason, im hooked.

im so hooked that i can stay up till 3am watching My Name is Kim Samsoon on youtube! i like the female lead character - she's uncoth, burly, fat and ugly - far from the typical female protagonist in korean dramas, yet there's something so unique about her, that she redefines the word "cute" and maybe even "beautiful".

anyways, after a friggin lousy lunch of undercooked Maggi mee that was almost inedible (sheesh), i was so glad to head to PS to meet up clar, rad, eunice and diana and look forward to a good dinner. eunice is a Sam Soon fan too! and diana has the VCDs haha. we roamed PS for awhile before heading to Lau Pa Sat to meet jus, bee and mj.

you can call it a bitter sweet moment, since most of them will be starting their 6 month attachment next week. i'll miss seeing them in school. yup... no doubts about that. but i did feel happy last night though. it was afterall, a cheerful all-girl dinner that wasnt catty in any way. that is what i like about my old class. non-cliqueish. non competitive. so cheery and so warm. i have to say the satay at lau pa sat wasnt up to my liking (and not to mention how irked i was by some stallholder who hit on me when i ordered my Unagi Bento set) but the fun, laughter and great company made up for it.

side track... mum says im getting vain. so she concludes that i must dating. *michevious grin* of course i laughed at her - that only made her want to pry more into my affairs. sometimes she's so ridiculous... kinda um, irritating in a funny way.

alright, i threaded my brows last fri. that was when eunice and diana had theirs done and when i thought it was about time that i get rid of my unibrow. it's afterall been almost 2 or 3 years since i've last gotten them tweezed. but after i had my brows threaded, my brows drew more attention than my face so i messed with eyeliner to get attention back to my eyes. i mean, wont it be weird if the first thing that strikes you are a person's brows? so im being vain? heck i dont know and i dont care.

as for the dating part.... i always say 'no' dont i?

2006-08-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

end of school

wow, it's been some time since ive posted! the vacation break has (FINALLY) arrived but ive been pretty busy lately, doing the usual holiday stuff - meet-ups, shopping, chilling and most interestingly, going for a trial yoga session at True Yoga with my elder sis.

haha. it feels as if its been some time since ive last seen my sis. yes, we live in the same house but we hardly see each other. it's not that we keep our separate bedroom doors closed. the thing is, when im home she's not and vice versa. so yeah, the trial yoga session felt awkward at first - we hardly share the same interests. but the as the lesson progressed, it dawned on me that my sis is quite nice. haha. perhaps it just feels so long since we've had a sister bonding session.

anyways, on the topic of health and exercise, ive been trying my best to keep healthy and build up my immune system. ive been eating fruits... and since saturday, ive been running to bugis junction from my house 3 mornings in a row. dad's afraid i'm overdoing it. but im coping fine. havent been running on a regular basis for sometime since this semester started. i feel happy running... running leisurely that is.

but i must make this clear - im not turning so much into a health freak. in fact, ive had my fair share of fattening foods and that very sinful indulgence at max brenners on sunday with irene and fel. anyways, i feel like a freebird now. but i'll be working at NUS again - starting coming monday (4 sept). im half dreading it and half looking forward to it. dreading it cos... i like my freedom now. i can eat sleep and breathe so much better now. but really looking forward to it because working at NUS makes me feel... somewhat comforted to know my MG friends are around the area.

2006-08-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

understand not?

i was at the supermart with my mum. while we were at the meat section, a rather well dressed lady was on the phone, "elma? can you ask Ah Ma if she wants smoked salmon or the raw one?"

salmon... common word that many singaporeans mispronounce. they call it... 'sow-men'. how uniquely singaporean. there was once i ordered a salmon sandwich from the coffee club express at NUS. the lady at the counter raised an eyebrow as if i was speaking greek. strangely, her idiotic look made me feel idiotic. so i idiotically spoke slowly when i repeated my order, only to be rewarded... with another blank look. i had to point to the menu and then she exclaimed, "oh, a sow-men sandwich!"

i was in no mood to correct her. anyways, i guess we will never be a country that speaks proper english because if we do, we cant understand each other... we are just too used to our sub-standard english.

our english foundation just isnt there. looking back at kindergarden, do you remember how our teachers recited the line of natural numbers? 'one... two... TREE!' and when they read fairytale stories to us, they pronounced 'sword' as.... sWord (proper pronounciation is sord).

my sis and i went to the magic shop at coronation to look for stage props - one of which was a fake sword. we were looking around and the assistant, or maybe the shop owner, came over and asked if he could help. so my sis said we were looking swords and asked if he had any to recommend. we were already at the sword section. but that guy said he never heard of such a trick before.

apparently, he thought 'sords' was the name of a magic trick. i echoed my sister's statement, this time with mispronounciation and wow, we were understood right away....

sigh. here we are, in a country that has a 'speak good english' movement. but what's the point? this is a place where good english cant be understood. either we continue our bad english, or launch a 'Understand good english' campaign. i doubt we'll ever have that campaign. i mean, didnt we boast that we are a world class educational hub? having such a campaign will be a mockery to our education system.

so anyways, i'm gonna go back to making english as bad as it can be - the singaporean way. pronounce their as 'thiar', three as 'tree'... and well, be happily understood.

2006-08-19T02:42:00.000-07:00

exams - thus far

thus far, the two papers i've sat for are total extremes. my first paper was financial accounting. as expected, i didnt finish the paper. what a waste it was, because i did most of the computations but didnt have time to do much of the theory. 9 marks for theory was thrown away just like that. i think i'll score a C grade if i'm lucky. oh whateverrr!

i guess it's not all my fault if i did badly. the air con was damn strong. so i was weezing and weezing. i used up 2 packs of tissues while working on that 2hr paper. maybe that's why i couldnt finish. even after the exam, i had to ask jiahui for a pack of tissues. i went home with a red nose. mum thought i cried after the paper. -____- the hot weather made me feel worse. i cant cope well with dramatic temperature changes.. my immune system crashes a tad too easily.

so last night's mugging was purely just focused on the exam tips given during the revision lecture. it was quite a gamble studying just the wee bit that was highlighted but i was really feeling under the weather. so, today's paper for financial markets and services? it was great cos the bit that i focused on were all tested. phew. for the first time in my life, i walked out of the exam hall, feeling confident about my answers.

with two down, i've got 3 more papers to go: Audit on monday, Investments on thursday and Tax on friday.. and to think i'm already suffering from severe brain damage...

2006-08-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

what was i thinking

sigh. today's post is about yet another incident that proves i'm losing it.

i was taking a break from mugging just now, so i did a lil blog hopping. in meng's blog, there was one point where she mentioned that after spending on contact lenses and her bro's present, she's now kinda cash-broke. the paragraph ended with "and i still need to go and buy paper later to print more notes".

left with 50 bucks for the rest of the month... need to print more notes... hmm, for a split second, i thought meng was cracking a joke i.e about printing counterfeit money. o.O

my gawd. how can i think that?! of course the she was referring to was lecture/tutorial notes... (lucky in the same minute, i realised that). what the hell man.

oh please, dont send me to woodbridge?

2006-08-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

deja vu

rah! i hate myself. im such a scatterbrain. the accounting revision lecture was postponed to this monday, but i screwed up last weekend, thinking i had missed the lecture. sheesh.

but that was all thanks to this dream i had that week. basically, in that dream, i overslept and as a result, missed the revision lecture. it felt very real. so one night, as i was revising, something hit me and made me wonder, why didnt i go for the revision lecture? i panicked. but later on, i realised, i must be hallucinating - the lecture had been postponed to a future date so i couldnt have missed it... yet.

dang. must have been all that mugging that's eating my grey matter.

so realising my mistake, i made a memo in my phone to remind me to go to school on the re-scheduled day of the lecture. i even went to bed early the night before the rescheduled revision lecture.

but alas, on that very morning, i woke up to the ringing of my mobile...it was 9:30am. what the hell?! it was the memo that made it ring. so i realised, i didnt set my alarm the night before! i was fuming mad and in awe at the same time. really, it felt like the dream i had last week...

everything's just... so strange... it's like, i had the sense of deja vu that i'd oversleep and miss the lecture.

weird! if only... i could dream of the answers to my coming exams... *dreamy smile*hopefully i dont oversleep and miss my exams man... been having trouble waking up in the mornings.

2006-08-11T00:54:00.000-07:00

Same shit, different day.

sigh. i still have so much more to mug for my exams. each time i take out my notes, i get a headache (no kidding).

i need to find the motivation to study, and find it fast, because, i'm just left with 6 days to the exams. 6 days. it's less than a week. and i've yet to start at all on Tax, Investments and Audit.

yeah i think i'm quite screwed.

but to side track, i've just got to know my grades for my world issues reflection (yes the one i rushed last friday morning itself till 5am). hah. got a B+. that's surprising cos i was in no mood to do it, considering that i started working on it the day it was due. what's more surprising are my tutor's sweet comments - she said that it was "generally well-written and fairly creative. Huiru has raised some very pertinent points and raised good questions. It is evident that her thoughts on the issues have evolved. However it would have been a much better piece if she had mentioned in greater detail how she feels discrimination can be avoided".

yeah... i'm happy cos i knew my work was sub-par but was too tired (5am, mind you) to carry on and give in-depth anaylsis. heee. but still, i feel somewhat satisfied with myself. whoopeeeeeee.

2006-08-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

i cant believe it

im in frigging awe, at how the human mind is so vunerable to become prejudiced and lead us to discrimate just based on very irrational factors - stuff like dress sense, or mannerisms?! one of my freshies was telling me how he pitied me, and how i look like a misfit in my class.

yeah like what the hell?! so i asked him to explain why he's trying to put me down. he reasoned, "pardon me but your new class looks kinda weird to me". ok, if he's saying my class is weird and i look like a misfit, he's prolly saying that i dont look weird. but still... im stumped as to why he's talking to me about my class.

so i tried to dig deeper. and it was then that he told me, "they look and behave really weird. if i have to be blunt, they really look nerdy to me. i feel like running away man if i were in your class. "

lucky it was just an MSN conversation. i felt my face tense up, and could only respond with my trademark emoticon - yes, that's right, it's my colorful ".....", and the -___-" face.

but he still had more to say - "when i see them, i wonder how they gona mix around when they leave each other. and i feel sad for them. for the 1st time, i feel sorry for a buncha people."

interesting. it only shows how shallow he is. but then again, in the midst of criticising him, i realised i had been shallow myself. ive been guilty of judging books by their cover (not with reference to my current classmates though).

i remember in lectures, there's this guy whose dressing i dont quite fancy. he always has one hand in his pocket. and he became the butt of my clique's jokes... i still remember, we jokingly called him "jen's boyfriend" cos jen had taken notice of him since yr 1 and from that day, she 'just had something against him'.

i never thought i was really prejudiced in any ways... until now. i am shallow. i'd never make friends with "jen's boyfriend" - simply because i dont like his high cut jeans. his hair. his "i've got one hand in my pocket" and act-cool saunter. but are these reasons reasonable, at all? perhaps karma has striked back and now, someone else is watching me and the people around me, and giving uncalled for remarks.

back to the kid who was mocking my classmates, i told him...
"when i was an orientation leader, there was this guy in the orientation group that i was in charged of. he seemed like a jerk, talked like a jerk, walked like a jerk and dressed like one too. i couldnt stand him, i remember i slapped him hard when he said something offensive during the camp.... but people still deserve chances. it wouldnt be fair to just judge them based on appearance."

that of course, was our history. i hope he got my point. he likes bugging me but i do have probs getting along with him. still, i never burn bridges and i do refrain from sounding offensive. and

anyways, i know my classmates are hardworking. sometimes i get smses from them on friday nights to remind me to post the tutorial that i've presented earlier in class onto the school's online BlackBoard. ive even gotten a call at 12 plus in the morning regarding tutorial homework. yes, to be honest, sometimes i do get upset at them. like, when i'm chilling, they put pressure on me. i feel guilty hanging out late at night, to know that they're mugging.

each time i step into tutorial classes, i feel pressured to perform. i feel not as smart as them, i feel insecure about myself (especially my sloth). and i do feel upset when my classmates ask about my grades or project grades - for it shows me how competitive they are. this new enviroment is different from the class i had for the last two years. but, i guess, it serves as a challenge, for me to embrace diversity, accept differences, and be able to work together with people of all sorts.

let's have a look again at what that bugger said: "when i see them, i wonder how they gona mix around when they leave each other. and i feel sad for them. " i think the tables have flipped. well, there is something in me that wishes to mirror his words and say: "i wonder how is he gonna mix around with people, for he has yet to venture beyond his well and small pool of fellow frogs. suddenly, i feel sad for him. "

but having said that, ive judged him myself. so the thing about judging others, it's really sorta like a vicious cycle or is it not?

2006-08-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

Just feeling a bit blue today...

Having one of those times where there's nothing to say, no witty remark to make or weird encounters to blog about. Today's my birthday and the "best" presents i've gotten are a blocked nose and sore throat. My immune system crashed since friday night actually (stayed up that till 5 on friday morning to start on an assignment that was due on friday itself). Thought I'd recover and prayed that I'd recover but well, my wish wasnt granted. Sometimes i cant help but wonder if the big guy up there has a wicked sense of humour. I'm saying this in jest of course.

Anyway I'm glad I've had my fair share of fun though - cos I've been treated like royalty on Thursday and Friday, supposedly Saturday but I felt half alive then so party at leong's got cancelled. (sunday, which is today, is left for my family)! Haha. But of course, I'd like to thank all, for giving me birthday blessings, whether in the form of smses, calls, cards, treats and/or gifts. Really appreciated them. Quirky stuffs: red strawberry beaded purse, striped red-white bag, TY beanie babies, What Dreams May Come VCD, jewellery, a top, an artfully designed wooden box (feeds my obsession for Pandora's Box) with a deck of The Cat cards, lastly - a voodoo doll (my mum thought it's a mummy).

My artsy fartsy elder sis did up an A3 size card on her own and in it, she put in the lyrics of Wear Sunscreen by *gasp* my favourite director - Baz Luhrmann (he sings too but i admire him for his directing in Moulin Rouge and Romeo and Juliet). Anyway the message in the lyrics are perhaps, echo the advice she wants to give me. The lyrics are pretty cool (or maybe i'm just prejudiced cos it's Luhrmann). Here's just an extract of the lyrics:

"Don't waste your time on jealousy
sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself

(etc etc etc)

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you'll marry,
maybe you won't,
maybe you'll have children,
maybe you won't,
maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

(etc etc)

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings;
they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young."

Um, what's it i wanna say? Oh, Children's day is coming soon. Haha. Ok that's random. Right, I know it's actually more than a month away if I think about it. but but but, I'm thinking of bringing joy to the cancer foundation kids! Yup. So excited already. Not just thinking of helping Miss Magician and being part of her performance BUT also, if i'm good enough, perform for the kids myself. But that would mean i'd need to polish my performing skills. Sigh. Oh well, will cross the bridge when I get there. (:

2006-07-31T22:40:00.000-07:00

what if...

i woke up this morning with a heavy heart. apart from blogging and a lil bit of msn-ing, much of my time last night (and the wee hours of this morning) was spent reflecting on world issues - prejudice, stereotyping, hate, discrimination, wars, terrorism, the new world order. yes, i was trying to get started on my WISP assignemnt.

amongst the issues mentioned, the new world order depressed me the most. it's the biggest consipiracy in the world. it's unjust, and so inhumane... saw the movie Hotel Rwanda? it was based on a real story. to think that the UN (and the rest of the world) could just choose to ignore the genocide.... let hundreds of thousands of lives end just like that. to close one eye and let all that bloodshed happen...it's.... so...disheartening? yeah, you always thought the UN would step in and play mediators in times of need. That, is so naive.

this world is warped. it's just... so wrong...? it's disgusting. why wont god step in and bring the crazy chaos in lebanon to a halt? probably as i'm writing this, people are dying in hospitals. why wont god knock some sense into the perpetrators? i mean, even if they emerge victorious, they would still have lost much. dont they know? or is this yet another of god's lesson?

Hebrews 13:1 says Let brotherly love continue. let brotherly love continue... continue? can it continue when it seems as if brotherly love has ceased to exist in the first place? it's hard being optimistic in a world like that. it sucks looking at newspapers, watching channel newsasia on tv mobile... arent you sick of it too? it wasnt easy for us to come to earth. but people kill and slaughter as if blood is water. i'm tired of it. it's ironic that while most countries are striving to achieve world class status, they still act in barbaric ways.

suddenly it seems what's going on now is scarier than what's said in the book of Revalations.

i'm lost. and i'm hurt by what i see, and what i can feel. im not satisfied being just a fly on the wall. im not satisfied just saying a prayer. not that i lack faith, but i dont wish to be idle. yet... i just dont know what to do. leave it to god? it would be easy. still, i cant pray and just sit idle. i just cant.

i need some light. and so does the rest of the world. we have all fallen out and are living in morbid darkness now. or maybe the Big guy is amongst us - physically in human form right now. He could be a peace activist, marching on the streets with a slogan in one hand, trying to be one of us, to unite all of us, to bring back the sanity and the humanity that we once had in us...

2006-07-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

slack day

ive had quite a slack day today. missed my morning class so that i can have enough energy for my afternoon class - which consisted of a graded mock job interview. i fared pretty well in the interview. so school for me today was just um, half an hour! hah.

i headed to Shaw in the evening to catch the lake house with alvin. i met alvin last month at a magic competiton at Kovan. he is a magician. he's quite good at sleights - something that i still cant do. i am after all, merely an assistant to my magician sis.

yeah anyway, the movie? *sigh* romantic. not exactly my sort of show but i liked it. i've fallen for keanu reeves, like a suicide from a bridge. i was cursing in my head when he ran out immediately after reading that darned letter. right... wont be a spoiler. but the movie did sway my emotions (or at least, remind me that i do have emotions) - something that most movies failed to do.

alvin did ask me what i thought of the flim. i said it was romantic but too unrealistic. and he asked me why. i thought the answer was obvious - there were too many coincidences. and such love in the movie, well, is too strong to be real.

but he did show me the flip side of the coin. his view was that the plot actually mirrors everyone's own love story and the challenges... the waiting game, how both aprties wished they could have met at a better time, how coincidences keep bringing people together...

yeah i guess that's true. life is magical (pardon the pun) in some ways.

2006-07-28T16:52:00.000-07:00

pseudo-princess

i know it's mean to mock at those who have a lack of taste when it comes to clothes... and to be fair, i admit to commiting fashion faux pas in my life. but hey, even if i was caught by the fashion police, i bet the charges pressed against me for my "crimes" wont be as serious as that for being decked in a puffy-sleeved white top, "pweety pink" balloon skirt, and, how can i forget? a headband lined with fake pearls and a pink bow to emphasis that bit of "girliness". urghhhhh. fake crown!

one look at her at the canteen, and the first thing that hits you (after you recover from the severe shock/gagging) is the word "princess-wannabe". you'll be surprised. there are people our age who THINK they ARE princesses and DRESS like one. maybe it's ok for us to think we're princesses. there are girls who like to be treated with respect, showered with gifts, feel protected, be pampered, dream of that knight who'll come into their lives and save them, and live happily ever after. ok, im sounding extreme but anyways, i am FINE with that "i aspire to be a princess" attitude. afterall, i have a secret wish to be a princess too!

right, did i just hear you cough? ): sigh. yes, i do dream of being a princess... but i think i need to clear the air about my princess dream. pretty princesses playing damsel in distress arent for me. i wanna be an arrow-shooting Amazon princess warrior. uh huh.. quite a mouthful but basically a princess that kicks real butt! a princess warrior who cuts off her right breast to use the bow more easily. yes i know this is a fantasy, just like the "im a pretty princess to be worshiped" mentality - nothing but a fantasy. that's it. i dont go round being dressing myself as an Amazon even though i know i've got the wild hair to carry off the look. neither will i slit my right breast and walk around the sunny island of singapore with a bow and arrow! like over my dead body.

so, little princess-wannabe is petite and fair. (those bullshit fairytales about royalty all have FAIR princesses dont they?) she thinks she is a princess - that's fine with me. everyone is entitled to have their own fantasies. but to go to the exteremes and don princessy clothes, accessories and have princessy curly dyed brown locks is too much to take. it makes her look desperate and crazed and immature. sorta like as if she won the worst-dressed title in a halloween party if you know what i mean. what can i say? most fantasies are unrealistic. that's why they are fantasies. coming to school dressed as a princess surely doesnt help in being respected and treated like royalty.... .

2006-07-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

exams in 21 days

eunice and i were pondering how many days there were to the exams. sigh. twenty one! i havent started. that's not surprising cos ive been reading storybooks lately and struggling witht tutorials. anyway, couple of things cheered me up this morning.

1. i left my house late but reached the classroom early
2. the fruit of labour's ripened! got to know our grades for the sweat-blood project for Financial Markets and Services - my group got a grade so high that i thought i was dreaming. ive always had a bad feeling about the project actually. was afraid that we'll score low and stuff, and then i'll get blamed for putting in a whole chunk of irrelevant info (the report was damn wordy). but wow, my tutor loved the report. i worried for nothing.
3. i got my inspiration for my resume. yay. when i write things, be it formal or informal stuff, i need to find a muse.

so... yeah. i got inspired... done with my resume but have yet to print it cos
1. ive got a new cartridge of black ink at home but im lazy to instal it
2. ive yet to buy the fancy paper to print my resume on

point 1 sounds lame but really, it is very frustrating when i am ALWAYS the one installing the cartridges. im not the only user in the house. someone else should do it for a change. rahhh.

the things i need to do over the week end
1. world issues reflection. not as easy as you think.
2.mock job-interview preparation
these are graded assignments, both due on monday. think im gonna be stuck at home this weekend.

2006-07-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

yellow

"look at the stars,
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do."
last verse of "Yellow", by Coldplay

i just returned from the playground. i like to visit the roof-top playground when it's dark, and allow myself to be hypnotised by the stars and planets that sparkle against the nightsky canvas as i lie on the children's slide (i call it my psychaitrist's chair). i dont know why but i feel some sort of connection and comfort and understanding whenever i look at the nightsky. or it could be a sign that im going mad. afterall, it's about time the effects of reading too many sylvia plath poems start showing. hah.

speaking of literary works, ive been reading proper novels lately, not those poem books that can be read within an hour. novels may be boring to you maybe. but i quite enjoy reading lately(im surprised myself). i guess that's because it's been more than a year since i read a proper novel. the last book i read was the Da Vinci Code and that was when i was selling merlions at suntec! but anyways, the thing about me picking up reading again is a good thing actually. it does help me relax, especially on days when im feeling too angsty or PMSy to meet anybody.

sadly though, i doubt i can sustain my reading habit cos exams are looming! but even nearer are the deadlines for my personal reflection for world issues, and my resume. and yeah, a graded mock interview for a job application. the other two assignments are graded too. i guess, there is no end to deadlines. i hate being tired. but what i loathe even more is being idle.

so... for the coming holidays, i may take a job (hopefully related to my course of study to keep my brains from rusting). i may do community service (spreading joy to others rids all weariness). but of course, i'd take care of my health (meng is very worried. i know i look like crap but hey dont fret. there's always plastic surgery and organ transplant and voila! i have a brand new body).

random thought of the night: "if YOU were Job, would you still have faith?"

2006-07-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

argue argue argue

my sis and i had a row just now. she demands that i find her thumbdrive for her - although i swear i had returned it to her last week and had placed it on her bedside table. if you go to her room, you'd see that it's worse than a pig sty. her stuff are strewn all over the floor. and her bedside table has turned a hell lot messier than it was when i put her thumbdrive last week. how irritating. i bet she used her thumbdrive but forgot she even used it, and hence where she kept it. argh. i'd wish she'd stop pointing fingers at me.

that was my elder sis by the way. as for my lil sis, she's irritating too!!! mum just ironed my white tote bag yesterday at my request. i happily put it on the headrest of the director's chair in my room. this morning, i found it on the seat of the chair, with other stuff stacked on top of it. needless to say, my bag got creases all over!

so i sighed. it was too early in the morning to curse. i put the bag on the headrest of the chair again. and many hours later, i found that my sis has put the bag down again, and hid it under her HEAVY bag. so my tote is SERIOUSLY wrinkled. why cant she spare a thought for me? how dumb can she get?!

i dont dare ask mum to re-iron the bag for me. she's gonna think im irresponsible etc when it's not even my fault. oh, and what pisses me off even more is that my lil sis lost this necklace which was a gift from a friend. a close friend in fact. my sis ought to be shot. it's not so much her carelessness that irks me but its her INDIFFERENCE about the matter. so what if she's younger? all that leadership training camp (which we paid hundreds of bucks for) ought to have thought her the bare minimum stuff on responisbility, at least?!

my sisters are so irritating. im fuming so much i cant get to sleep. yes, i AM an angry girl today. i have more people to rant about actually but it wouldnt be very nice. i figure my behaviour is due to menopause cos i feel 60-ish right now.

sigh. i'll either have to avoid my sister the next 1 wk or so, or dig her room and find that bloody thumbdrive of hers. but i just have this strange feeling... that she left it at a friend's house.

2006-07-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

sick

im falling sick again. could be due to the rain. or it could be due to... my sis! she likes to open the living hall windows real wide though i hate it. i cant stand the cold. sigh. hopefully this bout of flu doesnt spin off into something nasty - the exams are coming. quite a few tutors have been reminding me that. talk about sian-ness.

im having a real bad headache right now. for the past two nights, i get headaches at this time. i should go now. got an early class tmr. school will be longer tomorrow too. sigh.

2006-07-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

sickening

i hate it when people are so anal about punctuality. i knew i was slightly late by 6 minutes today as i made my way to class. i was apologetic about that. but... when my tutor began making a big fuss over my late arrival, i didnt feel so sorry anymore. instead, i got frigging pissed.

ok, i was late - no doubt - but it's by a mere 6 minutes. and half the class has not even arrived yet! if the whole class has arrived and i come in 6 minutes late, yes, i accept his tekan-ing. but attendance wasnt even half way there and he's being such an ass?! also i dont see why he's praising earlybirds who dont do homework, when yours truly (being slightly late by a mere 6 minutes) did all my homework and got an earful!

it's extremely demotivating. but i've decided: i'm gonna reach school early on future Tuesday mornings! im so gonna make sure i reach the classroom before he does. and if he arrives at 9:01 to unlock the classroom doors, i'll be equally annoying and ask "is it my watch or is it 9:01 already?"

yes im childish. but he's sickening and he started it! even when he took my attendance, he was like, "i know who you all are.. all your pictures are here". right... big deal. but guess what? he took quite some time to match my face to that pic in his class list. haaaaaaaaaah. *rolls eyes* yes sir, you're so smart.

2006-07-15T02:18:00.000-07:00

it never rains but pours!

yes, that's the perfect idiom to describe my life right now. ive been going through a SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS! my bad luck continued yesterday.

it was raining - heavily in fact. as i was walking near the porch of my school, one of my slippers slipped off and went behind me. in a hurry to retrieve it, i spun back without thinking, to find my face less than an inch away from a stranger's. i collided into him. he was shocked. so was i. and so were the people around me. they probably think im a desperado trying to steal a kiss... yup. it was humilating! i think i need plastic surgery over the weekend... i'm serious - there were many many witnesses. it just had to happen at a crowded place... just my luck! really.

to make matters worse, my jeans were slightly damp and clinging grossly to my shins. rahhh. i'll probably get rheumatism or however you spell that before i reach the age of 25. i rushed to the lecture hall but was still late... by 10 minutes. hurriedly passed notes to my friend - seeing him drenched from head to toe (with really sucky wet hair) kinda cracked me up. that's mean but perhaps its human nature to once in awhile look around and see others worse off than ourselves, to get some form of reassurance. it's warped. its wrong. it's crazy. but it just happens.

oh, my third toe's bruised. the lock dropped on my foot couple of days ago. yes, say "yeowwwch" for me. and please say it again one more time cos my friends have been stepping on my foot accidentally. -___-

on top of all these crap, i caught a cold. also, some bugger borrowed this DVD from school which i have had my eyes on! couple of days ago i checkd that it was due on the 13th. so i went on the 14th(yesterday) to find the DVD and to my BLOODY dismay, it's on loan again! ive gotta wait til the 17th. so that was the first time i cursed in hokkien.

that's not all you know. ive been having sleepless nights. my stupid neighbour downstairs... my goodness, they hang clothes out at 1am! so now i know why ive been hearing bamboo noises at midnight. but i really shouldnt have investigated. it's so frigging gross to see my big fat pot-bellied neighbour with just a bath towel around his waist, bending down to take clothes from the washer. urgh. that was such a disturbing sight. i couldnt get to sleep after that. it was totally disgusting.

no wonder they say curiousity killed the cat.

anyway, i got depressed preparing for monday's EPM presentation. i tell ya, i'm quite screwed cos my group has just started DELEGATING work today. yes. delegation only - we havent actualy started on the project! and Hooray, we have like less than 48 hrs. fuck fuck fuck! this is yet another frigging rat race. really. im so sick of fucking projects. i'm losing my headdddddd. damn. last week i was so estactic cos i thought all my projects were over but noooooooo. i overlooked this one. kanasai.

yup. so in an attempt to rid my "negative energy", i did a lil bit of art just now. *blushes* haha.

i "borrowed" Fiq's masterpiece... (Dark Intentions)

and transformed it into... something in digital art form and more girlie. haha.

yes yes. mine pales to syafiq's in terms of depth. im still a noob when it comes to Adobe - i havent figured how to do toning yet so thats why the rose looks really flat. bleah. besides, i havent really put my heart and soul into an art piece for so long. it's gonna take sometime before i can re-ignite my passion for my favorite sec school subject. )':

still i find this piece is pretty encouraging... im already thinking of making it into my blogskin if i EVER find the time to do so. har. i can imagine it. really: the text box will be next to the rose. and those four words - "love, peace, hate, destruction" will be for the intro, the blog, the tag and the links! dang! if only i can find the time.

this is great... i just realised how much i miss art class.

2006-07-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

my neighbour

there's this foreigner who lives on the 14th floor, 3 floors below me. and ive bumped into him quite a few times - unfortunately - in the lift or at the bus stop. i can describe him with just one word - that is, Frrrrreaky.

the way he stares, the way he chats me up... i always feel like screaming and running away. he's always staring... in a weird manner, which really makes me uncomfortable.

whenever i see him at the bus stop, i'll ignore him and stand far away, usually behind him so i can watch him, not he watch me. but he's quite sharp - by the time i notice him sitting on one of those granite seats at the bus stop, he's would have already spotted me.

so anyway, we met in the lift, again, today. when i entered the lift this morning, i had this nagging intuition that told me i'd meet Mr Creepy. and it did happen. gah. but luck wasn't too bad. because on the 14th floor, not only did Mr Creepy enter the lift, there was this other guy, who was... well, smartly dressed. (Ashworth shirt mind you!)

i sucked my breath as the lift moved down 14th floors. lucky the guy with the ashworth shirt was in the lift. i mean, Mr Creepy's really someone you wont wanna talk to. so in a way i was saved from a freaky conversation....

but of course, i still couldnt help but worry... i mean, he's heading to the same bus stop as me for sure and i dont want to walk with him. i had to think of either an alternate bus stop or an alternate route. before i knew it, we reached the groundfloor and the door opened. we three stood where we were. my ashworth-decked saviour told me, "you first". i thanked him before dashing out of the lift.

as i was walking to the bus stop, Mr Creepy was watching me as he took the road parrel to the one i was taking. he even looked directly at me. you know how scary that was?! i bet he even knows which buses i take!

bleah. im so gonna wake up earlier and take the early bus in future! he's really freaky. i mean, hey, im not some deluded looney who thinks every guy is in love with her. i am objective enough to be able to differentiate between a friendly person and a creep. Mr Creepy is a creep. no argument about that.

2006-07-12T06:21:00.000-07:00

she's a MONSTER!

my day started out bad today. like so fking bad.
1) i got chased by a cat
2) i was stranded at my bus stop with no bus
3) some woman stole the cab from me
4) i paid $7.40 for half a journey to school (damn the cab fare hike!)
5) i stepped into a puddle
6) i reached class 20 mins late (my school has this rule: come later than 15 minutes, considered absent)
7) i didnt bring my laptop in which my homework was stored
8) i lost track of assignments to submit. there's one due today - in hardcopy. and ive submitted the soft but didnt bring the hard.

ok. i know point number one sounds the most ridiculous to you. but yeah it happened! when i stepped out of the lift, this cat peered out behind the pillar. it mewed at me. so i meowed back. i walked. it meowed again. so i meowed again. as i took a few more steps, i sensed something running after me.

zomg! it was - *gasp* - the cat! i walked faster. it followed. my mind raced. then i decided to take the risk. stop in my tracks, turn back, look into its eyes and in my head i pleaded. gosh i was scared that the cat will leap up and scratch me. but it didnt. we stared into each others' eyes for maybe 5 seconds. my fear was soon gone. the cat wasnt mean. maybe it wanted to play. i felt sorry for the cat. strangely, it seemed to understand. and didnt chase me afterwards as i hurried my way to the bus stop in the drizzle.

anyway, today i ate like a hungry ghost. i ordered yong tau foo. the auntie gave me a huge bowl of rice. as i was about to tuck in with my friends, this other clique of girl-classmates came to our table. one of them pointed "see lar, eat yong tau foo, thats why so thin!"

-___- i could only smile politely and defend myself by saying, "hey, but it's a hugeeeee bowl of rice!" her friend agreed that it was huge. really huge. no kidding. when the auntie passed the bowl to me, i was like, "what the hell!". it's like the serving of two and a half regular rice bowls!

so um, back to that girl who was commenting about me. she said confidently that i wont be able to finish it. "at most you'll finish half". yaya. she prolly thinks im thin cos im annorexic. i told her, "i'll eat more than half."

i ate at my own pace. happily, in fact. it didnt take me long before i finished the whole bowl of yong tau foo, and the whole bowl of rice. that girl who was always telling me that i'm thin, suddenly turned to look at my bowl. "omg! she can finish?!"

you should have seen that smirk on my face... the feeling i had... i dont quite know how to describe it.

but what i do know is, the more people underestimate me, the more i like proving them wrong.

2006-07-09T23:22:00.000-07:00

strange

i dreamt last night that i died. the dream was sad and creepy. from where i lay six feet under, i could see my rather distraught family and friends, throwing white roses at me. then came the dirt, further blurring my last view of loved ones with each pile thrown over me. i closed my eyes as i felt an immense weight push me down, into the pitch-black. i was fully buried. completely hidden from the view of the living. and i smiled.

i dont know why i smiled but i did. and i suspect this dream's all BL's fault. he cursed me last night, and said i'd die if i continue my masochistic ways. alrite. i'm guilty of self-torture. happy now? i admit i didnt sleep the whole of saturday and only went to bed at 5am on sunday. i also admit to putting myself at risk of caffeine overdose by drinking 5 cups of tea on sunday to stay awake.

argh. quite a few around me have been nagging too. but please understand. it's not as if i take sick pleasure in staying up late and working on projects. frankly speaking, if i could, i'd rather sleep the whole damn day. crap. hey, now that i said it, this morbid thought just hit me... it's regarding the dream. i mean, maybe i smiled when i was "buried" because i could finally sleep at last? maybe i was that jaded. so my subconcious mind wished i was better of dead. nah that's quite stupid. i <3 my sucky life, cos in the midst of being in deep shit, i find a pot of gold. haha!

hah. ok that's not so funny. anyway, ive been charging like a bull during the weekend to meet today's deadline. now that most of my things have been submitted, i can take a breather. so you guys dont need to worry about me. i swear i'd get myself a plenty of rest. really need some beauty sleep - i mean, i really look like crap now - emaciated with "my mother's wrinkles, (and) my daughter's pimples"... that's a double, no... that's a triple whammy! arghhhhhhhhh.

hah. im back. got interrupted earlier. this malay UPS (united parcel service) guy was at the door just now. my sis had ordered something from the US. i must say that delivery man's not only lame, he was hitting on me. flirty guy. urgh. before he passed me the package, he was asking questions like, is this a five room or four room, why am i not in school etc.

as i was signing the package, my name "huiru" looked distorted. im not used to the electronic pen, it looked like 'linda'. he asked, 'linda'? and i was like, "yeah!". but his flirting - no doubt disgusting - is an ego boost for me. maybe i dont look so bad afterall. ok im deluded. and im sounding narcisstic. but perhaos, it's in God's plans for that flirt come just as i was about to smash my mirror...

2006-07-08T03:16:00.000-07:00

unexpected

at 1plus this morning, i got an unexpected call from bro. he said he was hospitalised at tan tock seng and feeling bored. that's quite shocking. first of all, he and i were not on talking terms for 4 months so i didnt expect him to call me. also i wondered why was he hospitalised? honestly, gang fight was the first word that hit me.

anyway, i visited him just a few hours ago (in the early afternoon). i got him a mickey mouse balloon from the gift shop on the ground floor of the hospital! teehee. you know the hard ones on a sitck with a head inside so it rattles when you shake them? yeah, those. i was glad, nonetheless. bro smiled when he saw the balloon through the glass door. haha. hmm... but not so much from delight i guess, because the first thing he threw at me was "what the fuck?!" when i handed it to him. but seeing him smile made my day though. (:

sigh. i want him to get out of the hospital real soon. that idiot is apparently SO BORED in his room that he fiddles around with the wires of the indicator that measures his heartbeat- occassionally causing a 'missing beat'. yes that's retarded but wait till you hear this: he also flexes his muscles when the blood pressure machine takes his blood pressure every hour so the blood pressure measured is over a hundred (the regular b.p. is seventy plus)...

he said he did try to reading a book max lent him, but he got bored (and he whined that no one bought him FHM). bro's really crazy. when no one's with him, he chats on his mobile phone and texts god-knows-who, which is not allowed by the way cos the signal from his phone affects the machines. he doesnt care, does he?! when i was there, i saw him smsing with my very own eyes. and then i realised... he must have called me last night while he was on his hospital bed. tsk.

bro told me i looked so pale and tired - more like a sick patient than him. hmm, maybe that's true. everyone's been commenting about my appearance lately, that i'm thin, pale, tired, and the best one - haggard! but it's true. all these late nights have caught up with me and sucked all my energy within. bro's quite high but i know beneath his naughty crappy facade, he's pretty vulnerable and unstable inside (why else did he end up in hospital, needing a stomach pump? i suspect suicide. duh. but he wont tell me). he tries to hide things from me, just like i do when he reads my mind - and he really reads my mind well... alrite, reading my mind doesnt require talent cos school has always been my headache since young. haha.

but bro's harder to comprehend. having been mentally and verbally abused by his mum, even till now his mum still shows biasness towards his lil bro, he's grown to keep things to himself. i really wish i could enter his head and see what's going on. see the stuff he refused to tell and ease his insecurities. he suffered hell since his parents divorced. his mum ill-treats him! i remember one bad case when he was in pri5, he got kicked out of home by his mum. he had no money on him so he had to walk - on foot - from his balestier condo all the way to his aunt's house at toa payoh. can you imagine? back then, a child less than 12, having to go through things like that? and early this year, he found out about my parents not being too happy about me hanging out with him... so feelings of rejection by your own family members... it only hurts him more.

if you understand maslow's hierachy of needs, you'd see that one will need love and a sense of belonging, before one can achieve a healthy sense of self-esteem and finally, self-actualisation. so yeah, now you know why i always try to show concern for bro, else he'd go back to "the dark side".

time passes fast when a) it's a saturday and b) you're having fun. i felt sad walking through the doors of bro's hospital room - for i know i wont be visiting him again soon. once this week kicks in, that's it: i'll be freaking FREAKING busy! then again, i am already supposed to be charging at full speed - got 4 assignments due on monday, just that i took some time off to pay him a visit, for it's been so long since we last talked. and i missed his silly antics too. yup. but i'm glad that short visit did wonders in stress relief (: now if only i can get that strength to work on those 4 assignments... *zzzzzzzzzzzz*

2006-07-06T03:13:00.000-07:00

NETS

the bad thing about shopping with NETS is that i cant really keep track of how much i spend. but personal financial woes aside, ive been having quite an ok life lately. it's thursday and ive been to town 3 times thus far! that may sound pathetic to some of you but really, it's quite an improvement for me already. (you know, during my post-test break, i only went to town once a week?!)

yesterday i caught Just My Luck with the girls. um... chris pine is so not gush-worthy in my opinion. and i prefer the brunette, boobier and plumper version of lindsay lohan. the blonde skinny her isnt as charming. AND i found the plot for Just My Luck pretty sucky. in fact, there wasnt really a "climax" for the movie. thank god McFly added some spice to the show. but still, it was more of pepper than chilli padi spice. the plot was draggy. there wasnt even any tension. it's predictable. the epitome of boring! this movie is more for pre-teens. not my kinda thing. im disappointed. mean girls was nicer.

anyway, we saw Utt at plaza sing. he's back in singapore! i think he looks less skinny now. still, he looks better in person than on screen.... wait why am i taling about him?

dinner yesterday for me was a mad rush cos i had to fly home and work on my report. but i did manage to complete it (yay!). submitted it this morning and went to town for lunch at crystal jade with some of my classmates from my old class. i did a lil bit of shopping too. alrite. before you peeps think "uh-oh.." at my mention of the word "shopping", i'd make it clear - nothing bad happened. i just bought something today because i needed it.

yup. a pair of black trousers from zara. i bought it so that instead of always teaming my black formal top with a skirt, i can pair it with smart pants instead. (: i did exercise self-control today. i stopped myself from getting a cute green Zara kids belt - though it was really a good deal - just $9.90. haha.

umm. i think i was fine last week when i shopped, just that i felt down afterwards because i realised that i had spent too much time on the unreal, buying stuff which no doubt wearable or useable, do not really make me a better person or give me security like family and friends do. plus, school was creating a rift between me and those i so need to spend more time with. hopefully i master the art of effective time management... alrite not hopefully. i NEED to master that art. else, i'd become... a child molester. right im kidding. see, i need to hang out more else my sense of humour will turn even drier! (:

OH! by the way, my magician sis is coming down to perform in ngee ann! im not gonna be her bunny but she needs my support. but i dont wanna watch the magic show alone. i need some company . tickets are 5 bucks. money goes to a charity. children's aid fund or something like that. event held on monday, 5pm at ngee ann. sms me if you're into magic, into me, or simply, doing the part of a good friend and keeping me company. haha. nah, seriously, do it for charity if you can. or if u are free. ta!

2006-07-01T03:08:00.000-07:00

into the head of a first-time compulsive buyer

We decided to call it a day. Under the street lamp, we said our goodbyes before heading separate ways. Lugging a couple of shopping bags which contained my "proud conquests of the day", I made my way along Orchard Road to the Orchard Emerald bus stop.

But something strange happened. As I walked, the high I got from shopping seemed to evaporate. I felt more empty than ever. Walking against the direction of the night breeze, I began throwing questions at myself, which only got me more confused.

I started drowning in thought. What on earth had possessed me? The Hungry Great Singapore Sale Ghost (afterall the 7th lunar month is coming)? Am I feeling ok? Was I really happy when I shopped? Ok I was happy shopping. But why is it that I don't feel the same now? Am I'm buying things to subconciously starve off feelings of insecurity? or boredom? or something else?

And that term, "retail therapy"? I don't quite like it. I suspect that it's a commercial trick which has duped many women for centuries. Some of us just can't get enough of shoes - even though we have a whole rack of them that allows us to wear one pair each day for the next 3 years.

Yeah, it's common that girls buy things to make themselves happy but... my point is, we could be buying on impulse, because we are feeling sad, angry, bored, insecure, yada yada. Engaging in "retail therapy" is synonymous with running away from issues which may need to be addressed.

Then again, it may be hard for girls to understand what I'm saying. They may even be scoffing at me right now because it makes no sense to them. I understand. Women are very emotional creatures. More emotional than practical, in fact. When something bothers us, we rant just to let steam out. We don't rant to find solutions. We rant to make us feel better. Solutions come second. Same way with shopping perhaps. We shop to make us feel better. Similar to how drinking works too...

Ah! Perhaps it can be better explained by saying complusive shopping is like binge drinking: it doesnt solve my problem, it just makes me forget my problem (temporarily). and of course the nasty after-effects of both addictions never fail to make me feel more empty and shitti-fied than ever (with reference to not just my wallet but my mind, body and soul too).

Psychologists don't recommend retail therapy to clients. 'Retail Therapy' is just a term some smart-ass business minded person came up with, to make people feel less guilty about their complusive buying habits so that they will continue to make his cash registers ring! And I, was one of the conned.

2006-06-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

(:

ive been quite a happy girl lately. yeah. my life is rallying up. Minou is giving me a pair of handpainted shoes from their line (but i've always been too lazy to claim my gift), my monday's presentation went better than i expected, bee and clar did great in recruiting new peeps for my cca, im personally very happy about my grades for the recent common tests... i think i dont have any problems or issus right now.

i am busy. i still have to crack my head over my investments project. but im happy.

well but i did find myself crying last night before i slept. i did some soul searching before i went to bed. there are some amends that i'd like to make. i wanna spend more time with people whom "i havent had time for". people like GRANDMA, bro (i still have yet to clear a misunderstanding with him.), meng, van, huiling, olivia...

but but but... i'll get to see a couple of MG girls this sunday. yay. denise, meng, fiona, lijuan...

i cried last night. maybe even to sleep. but though there's some sadness inside, im overall, happy. Yay!

oh i've got a funny story to tell. it involves me and two other girlfriends from school getting the strangest, bumpiest ride ever in our tutor's car. but i'll save that for tomorrow, or tomorrow's tomorrow. but it was quite a silly crazy "adventure" really. haha.

2006-06-27T22:52:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU!

This morning, I was happily waiting at the King Albert Park bus stop, for a red bus to take me to school. As I was staring into space, this auntie got down a bus and spoke loudly, to no one in particular, "where is maple avenue?"

And written on her face was not just confusion but agitation. Because she was standing right in front of where I was sitting, I just said, "Maplewoods? It's about two stops down that way"

"I MISSED IT?!" she shouted, in frustration. (Her voice was whiny and high-pitched.) Then she was grumbling as she made her way, walking to the direction where MG was. No "thank you", no nothing. She's scary. I'm not angry at her, I'm just appalled by her behaviour.

Ah well, but I did meet a very sincere worker today at a fast food joint and she made my day. I tookaway some lunch for my lazy elder sis and I. I was struggling with the glass doors - in my left hand were my laptop and the bag of food, while my right hand held my handphone as I was talking. Then this staff came running to me and opened the heavy glass doors. She had a cute sincere smile. I smiled in appreciation and said my thanks - but she out did me by saying an even more enthusiastic "THANK YOU FOR COMING!" Haha.

Customer service that comes from the heart really WOWs me.

2006-06-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

Opus Dei

me: hey, do you know that opus dei exists in singapore?
leong: they do?
me: yeah...? they were like, interviewed by channel newsasia.
leong: sure not? i watched the channel newsasia documentaries leh
me: -____- come on they do, why should i lie anyway?
leong: haha.. this is getting freaky... they could be amongst us
me: haha yeah...
leong: omg! i saw an ah pek limping just now!

dont you just feel like killing him?

2006-06-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

Reborn.

It's time to pop the champagne, folks! My blog's reborn!

I'm kinda surprised: my old blog had loyal readers, just that quite a number of them don't tag. Following the closure of my previous blog, quite a few had asked, out of concern why I shut it down. It's been several weeks already but I was still being asked yesterday. (: And gosh, do I feel touched.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's the main reason behind the closure myself. It could have been that the mundane in life crept up to me, to a point where I had nothing to blog about. It could have been that the common tests were coming up back then, so I shut it down to stop myself from using my notebook unnecessarily. Or, it could have been that there was this subconcious thing in me that wanted to start life afresh. I have no idea, really.

Then again, there are many other things in life that I do, without knowing why so. I guess I'll never know anyways. Neither do I really care to find out. Perhaps we shall leave it that my old blog "died" an unnatural death but the cause of which is not worth investigating.

On the topic of death, I'm reminded of the fate of a fellow schoolmate of mine. I didn't read the newspapers but heard about it from word of mouth that he died in his condo while returning from his night jog last tuesday night. It was a hit-and-run, a real tragedy.

It was said that he died on the spot and was bleeding from the ears, eyes and mouth but had no form of identification on him so his family was not notified by the police until much later (they did find him missing from his room but didn't suspect anything perhaps). It's scary to think that someone who sits in the same lecture hall as me, is suddenly gone just like that.

Sheesh. "Life", why's it so fragile... so cruel?

But then again, I'm talking about "Life" in inverted commas. Perhaps the lives we're currently living are unreal and that our real lives are our after-lives. In other words, our real lives may start at the point at which we die. Or maybe I'm not making any sense to you... Hmm, I'm not quite sure how to put it either, just that I don't see death as a permanent departure. Yep. So that's kinda explains why I like the last verse of a song by Oasis that goes, "We're all of us stars, we're fading away, just try not to worry, you'll see us someday...".

Death, it's not the end... or is it?