YTuesday, February 27, 2007
i found myself rolling my eyes several times and wondering "why am i here" as we walked and talked. yup. i was out with him last night. we did have an engaging conversation throughout but there's no escape from the fact that he's so nice that i could just vomit blood.
seriously.
he was on time (early in fact), i was late. he brought his jacket which he normally leaves on his office chair cos he had the hunch that i'd forget to bring mine (sure enough the absent minded me forgot). he happy charged everything to his card - the dinner, the movies, the drinks at alleybar. and at the table, he pulled the chair for me to sit (but by then i had already gotten to the other chair haha!)
then he let me use the jacket in the theatre - while he shivered under his laptop bag. (you may think he's sweet but come on, it's partly ego too right.) he walked me to my bus stop - though that meant he had to make a detour back to the mrt station. he made me inform him that i had reached home safely, just to be sure. and he's willing to help me find a job (which i declined though it sounds goo money - 50 bucks per simple assignment)
yeah im feeling too sick to go on. he gives in a lot to me and that's precisely what i find annoying. the last thing i want a chivalrous Mr Nice Guy. maybe you think i dont respect men. but i do, thats why i dont want to them henpecked.
yup. most girls dream of the chivarlrous nice guy but im still glad im not "most girls".
----------------------------------------------
im home today, on a rainy wednessday afternoon. the weather's making me feel sleepy. and gosh my bed looks so tempting. i think i can be hypnotised to walk to it and fall into deep slumber. haha. but sleep is the last thing i want, for i dont dare sleep.
in fact, i didnt sleep very well in the wee hours of this morning. my head throbbed like crap! the right side of it felt extremely tight that i couldnt sleep it off. got up at about 3am to popped 2 panadol pills.
as i made my way to my room, i stopped by my parent's room, wondering if mum's awake. i really thought i could die cos the pain was that bad. (it's a bit like Sun Wu Kong's crown being tightening around his head. no kidding. i think my face was contorted in pain the way his did). yup. i was kinda scared that a blood vessel in my brain may be bursting or something.
both of mum and dad were in asleep and i couldnt bear to wake them up. i can forget about calling my sisters cos waking them up takes a lot more energy than getting an ant to scale mount everest. poor me staggered back to bed, and really wondered if i'd die in my sleep.
you may say (yet again) that i have really wild imagination - which i dont deny but come on, already in Singapore itself we've seen quite a number of "mysterious" deaths where people actually die in their sleep. and i guess, to many, my fear of a brain haemorrage sounds pretty dumb. still, i have my reasons... when my mum was expecting me, one of my cousins died of a brain haemorrage. i never got to see him. he was young... just out of NS.
so last night, the fear i had was really hard to put in words. with the almost unbearable splitting headache, i prayed.and started feeling sorry for myself. i was too tired to go back to mum to call for help, or even switch on my handphone and say goodbye. if that was how i was really gonna die, it sucks (though it seems the least physically painful of all deaths).
anyways, i was so tired that i fell asleep without knowing it. haha!
and then i woke up this morning feeling so blessed. i only had a few hours of sleep but i made breakfast for everyone... and that's something i havent done in years. (: feels good to stay home today...
yup. feeling a hell lot better right now. so glad im alive and my headache's gone. maybe im had a caffeine overdose yesterday. anyways, thanks for dropping by. i love you all.
cai was here with you at
YMonday, February 26, 2007
your eyes fooled you
i had a nightmare that i got sawed in half during a magic performance - and the magician scrwed up. yes how morbid. but i have myself to blame for that. few days ago alvin and i were playing around my sister's studio... we tried the "sawing the girl in half" trick. so i had to lie in a coffin-like box, only that my head and shoes were sticking out from the ends. anyways, he stuckthe sharp blades in and... sawed me in half. to prove that point, he pushed the boxes further apart, creating a greater distance between my top and lower half.
it was scary looking at my reflection. how i laughed with fear - or was it glee? haha. even my feet at the other hand could move. it's cool but i must say... the magician who first came up of this concept is quite a sadist dont you think?
anyways i just yesterday how broke i am. i squandered quite a bit of my ang pow money. sometimes when you spend or have too much fun, you just dont realise how fast your money's leaving your pockets. hehz. i got thrashed rather badly at mahjong, been pigging out quite a bit, got the nina ricci scent for my elder sis, and caught a weekend movie (seducing mr perfect) with irene and fel. the movie was not very engaging... surprisingly i think the female korean lead is more adorable than daniel henney (yes he sure has a hot bod and a megawatt smile BUT... i she's really charismatic.)
hmmm.. alrite i should quit before i start sounding lesbanic. hehz. um... wait! no need to drift from the topic actually. i suddenly remembered this vid on YouTube that did touch me. it features a kid who sang of his love for his two fathers. they (the fathers) are gays. yup.
i think the society we live in is still pretty much homophobic. from a religious point of view, homosexuality is frown upon. but personally... i dont see much of a big deal about it. i believe that one's sexuality is not nurtured... i doubt they have a choice. prolly same thing like child prodigies - their talents are something they are blessed( or maybe even cursed) with. it's nature.
anyways, back to the boy raised by two gay men... at a glance it does seem selfish of the gay men to adopt children. it makes the life of their kid hell, being ridiculed and outcasted.
but then again, who am i to judge? for all we know, the gay men make better parents than normal heterosexual ones. the fact that they adopt a kid means that they really want one. heh. then again what do i know.
cai was here with you at
YThursday, February 22, 2007
dance floor
man, daryl didnt make it! ): i actually casted votes for him last night. anyways, leong and i were late when we reached the mediacorp studio just now. our seats got taken up so we had to sit close to the back. which didnt quite matter to me lah. the crowd was like damn high. like scary kind of high.
anyways, the malay F4 group was pretty good. but i dont like the latin dance partners. oh and i particularly hate that botak judge. forever overacting lah. anyways, later we two scooted off to Chun Dao He Pan and i became a young kid again! haha. we took the retarded viking. it was damn damn fun!!!
stupid me was screaming like a banshee. sitting on it sure feels a lot scarier than standing on the ground watching it move. i chickened out after it so we didnt take the ferris wheel. >_<
im stuffing my schedule to the max lately, partly to have fun but also party to avoid someone. he's into me more than im into him. if he hasnt noticed, i keep turning down his proposed outings. sure, he's older, has a job, is nice and sweet but such a bore. hhe does tell jokes but it's not my kind of thing. not witty... and humour is a very subjective thing - somethings are funny for just a short while but it's distasteful when you reflect back.. if you know what i mean.
things will never work out between us. you dont know how shitty i felt when i bloghopped to his blog and found his Vday post about me (no we didnt celeb vday together but he posted a short poem that sent shivers down my spine). sweet but not my kind of thing (i like poems but his has no character). yeah stupid cupid had misfired at someone else too but at least the other one knows how to back off. still, im having a headache. so much for the lucky stars saying that those born in the year of the Rabbit will have good relationships this Pig year.
speaking of Vday... a helium balloon that i got the day after Vday has started to deflate. what i like about it is that... there was this warning sign at the corner of it in small font, saying that the ballon conducts electricity and that it should not be brought out to open spaces in stormy weather. hahaha. morbid thoughts hit me usual. i thought of making headlines - "lightning strikes poly student holding belated valentine's day balloon". hehe. ok bad joke. i treasure my life. anyways, the balloon's just a gift from a platonic friend... vday is afterall, also friendship day!
oh kinda random but dad's telling me to beware of my immediate neigbour next door. he's aussie and not married but dad thinks he's gay cos all his visitors are male. o.O hmm.. i dont know what to say. but it could be true. which straight guy bothers about his flowers? haha whateverrr.
i think the only reason why im so strange lately is that my brain's having a serious burnout. gawd i need sleep.. oh precious sleep!
cai was here with you at
YWednesday, February 21, 2007
the chineseeee new year questions
"oh my, why are you so skinny now?"
"wow, so pretty already ah?"
"got boyfriend or not"
the last question's the scary one. it happens every year. whatever my response (whether a yes, a no or a "im not gonna tell u" look), they still think my reply is in affirmative. aha. and this year, my cousins got such nerves to go peeking into my phone's photo album in hope to find answers! no prizes to guess who was their number one suspect. haha.
then there was this auntie of mine - whom we all dislike. she asked me the boyfriend question like everyone else. before i could respond, dad came in and said, "yeah lah, got so many... got one Auntie introduced you to right?"
i played along and said "yeah.. but that one...*haiz* cannot make it lah". my auntie was a lil drunk and she did look a lil blur. haha. priceless moment.
anywaysssssssss, it's been aeons since ive used my beloved lappy. it felt so foreign when i did my uni applications... and even right now when im blogging... sigh. but it's a good thing to get away from my comp. i remember the horrible weeks we had when we had to look through our projects or type marketing tutorial answers inside. *shudders*
it's the hols but im feeling burnout. from projects, exams, partying, shopping and CNY. the last 4 weeks or so have been extremely hectic. im relieved that it's all over. but i dont know if im happy... strange huh?
cai was here with you at
YFriday, February 09, 2007
time flies. it just seemed like only last week when i first stepped into poly and now, i'm a student all (supposedly) geared up for the coming final year exams. everything passed by like a blur. and im getting old; gonna hit the big 2-0 this year. it sounds to scary to be real. haha. but seriously, what are the plans for the next 5 years of my life?
life is meaningful, but short. so we really should treasure every hour, minute and second we have. i want to do something that makes me feel that it's really something i wanted to do, and am proud of.
i guess, for now, studies definitely come first. do well for this last lap of exms, and get satisfactory results. after all that, maybe qualify for a local U and pursue a degree in finance - but i've to admit - i dont quite know why i want a degree but it does seem like everyone needs a paper qualificaiton in this world.
i may however, not become a financial adviser despite my degree. maybe i'd like to take a lil break from the stress of the world and travel. with my "closet" passion for drawing, i guess i might wanna be a travelling artist for awhile. and maybe devote some time to teach the poor lil kids there. so i'll be a part-time teacher cum artist. heh. hopefully i'll be able to make their learning journey an enjoyable one. while many are sooo into the whole rat race, i feel that one shouldnt just get a job that gives you a big fat pay check. as long as it is a respectable one, and it's something you've always wanted, why not go for it?
5 years down i'll be 25. hehz. definitely no plans on getting married cos i dont see a need to. and definitely no children. let's face it - children are only cute when they are less than 3 years old. just look at SuperNanny on TV, all those kids are like miniature versions of Wayne Rooney. rowdy, rude, boisterous, bratty and maybe even murderous - the supernany trailer keeps showing this sweet faced but mean lil girl who screamed, "i could just KILL YOUUUUU!" as she slammed her palms down on the carpet. woah woah woah. so not cute huh?
hah. anyways, i do have many many other vague plans, all boiling crazily in my head. (not gonna mention them here.) and some might say they are just plain wishful thinking. my mum does worry for me as i usually dont have "solid plans" or am not practical. she calls me a dreamer, with my head in the clouds. but shouldnt you believe in yourself and your dreams, for they might just turn out the way you plannned some day. *shrugs*
cai was here with you at
YSaturday, February 03, 2007
gone with the wind?
seems like Mother Nature has been testing my tolerance. on tuesday, the wind blew the styrofoam (which was the wall of the prototype for our shop). the other styrofoam wall flew up and got stuck in a tree, while the wall paper flew onto the road and got run over by a motorcycle. all that happened when my groupmate was trying to transport the prototype from her house to school.
then, yesterday, when i was leaving for school, i tried to close the main door but the wind from the corridor area was so strong that it pushed the door further into the house. i felt as if i was doing a "tug of war' kinda thing, only that my opponent was invisible. how creepy.
and today, i helped to do the laundry. the wind blew one of dad's socks away. so i went downstairs to find it... walked near the bushes... then i saw something black in the bushes.. it looked a lil like a sock. i was about to go nearer when there was a movement in the bushes.
it jumped out.. and that it was... a black cat!
i shrieked like a banshee that the cat ran even faster and further. it was really swift... and before i knew it, i was standing near the bushes like an idiot... with goosebumps all out. the cat was gone. hehz. thank god no one was around at that time or i'd have to live my life with a paperbag over my head.
anyways, i think im falling sick.... all thanks to that yummy yummy bak kut teh @ bugis Ig introed us to. it was delish.. (definitely it's got MSG). but damn heaty. my throat's feeling cranky already. we browsed bugis village for awhile. i hate the weekend crowd. makes it super difficult to shop. i got a brown tube (which will match my brown shoes i bought last last wk)... yup. with that and my beret, i guess ive got my CNY Day 1 outfit settled! (:
cai was here with you at