YWednesday, September 20, 2006
6th beam
the stupid mosquito was buzzing near my ear at 620 this morning. trying hard to get a good 10 minutes of power nap before i wake up, i threw my blanket over my head to keep the mozzie away from me. my body itched like hell. must have been biten by that bugger when i was asleep.
0625+ in the morning. the sound from my handphone cut my sleep. it's an sms but it's so early in the morning? the message was from a friend whom i havent contacted for some time. the main point of the message, if i can summarise it in one line is, "when friends drift apart, who's to blame?"
who's to blame? honestly, i dont know. that is a question i had never gievn thought to. what i can say is, who's to blame depends on a case-to-case basis. in some cases, no one is at fault at all.
my definition of a friend is a person i know, like and trust. maybe im sounding dumbly optimistic but i believe that true friendship is able to withstand time and distance and most of my friendships will last. i love my friends. but there are times where we feel distant because i dont get the chance to regularly meet them up as often as i'd like .
still, this urges me to exercise better time management so that i'd be able to squeeze in time for them someday. of course life is not all that sweet and simple- there are sucky times when im free, they are not and/or vice versa.
it sucks; but i wont jump to conclusions to think that our friendship ends just there or is sure to go down the slippery road and become a thing in history. as ive said, when it comes to friendship, im rather optimistic. i trust that my friends are as understanding as i am to them, and that they understand how hectic student life is as well as i do. the little spare time that i have, has to be divided amongst family, different groups of friends and myself.
so... to that friend who messaged me the question this morning, i'll say in all honesty that the other time, when you said you had no friends, i got upset. i admit we dont meet up regularly. but that's because of two things: 1. i have really been busy back then during my academic term. 2. i thought that our friendship could endure the test of "distance".
maybe your definition of a 'friend' is different from mine. afterall, everyone has different opinions on this matter. i apoplogise for "neglecting" you due to my crazy project-filled academic term back then. i had tried my best to squeeze in time for you. but obviously, that was not sufficient since you said you felt as if you have no friends.
im confused right now, that's why im staying silent and not contacting you. since that day you said you had no friends, i think i have failed you as a friend. that day, i started thinking thoughts which i never thought before. i dont have plans to end our friendship but ive entertained thoughts like, will you be happier without a busy friend like me? did you consider me a friend in the first place? and these stem from the question: what's your definition of a friend and do i qualify as one?
maybe it's your turn to enlighten me.
cai was here with you at