YSaturday, September 30, 2006
thoughts
bleah. so part of my pay will go to CPF. sniff. that so sad... i mean, what if i die young? i'd never get to use it. quite a warped thought but really, i still cant quite appreciate this whole CPF scheme. sigh.
by the way, i was stranded in town today, thanks to the rain. my patience ran out so i decided to run in the rain to meet fel and irene. ha ha... big mistake cos i got wet when i darted between tangs and lucky plaza, and got even more drenched when i ran from lucky plaza to paragon. had to make a pit stop at paragon before i run to heeren. the distance is just too long and the rain too heavy.
so while waiting outside salvatore ferrgamo for the rain to grow less heavy. i stared hard at the ground, watching the rain make ripples into the already puddle-filled ground. then someone caught my eye - most of the peeps standing around me had brollies but this person wore a windbreaker and had the hood over his head. what's so interesting about that? well, his windbreaker bore the words big and bold - "FED EX".
and then i thought, hey, wasnt the tagline to fed ex "we live to deliver?" most fed ex adverts show the fed ex deliver people doing all sorts of stunts to get the mail delivered. and here's this fed ex guy, with a parcel in one hand, standing in the shelter waiting for the rain to stop...
but low and behold, after i came to the conclusion that advertisements tend to exaggerate afterall, that fed ex guy ran in the rain towards the taka area. so that means, earlier he was standing near me at paragon because he was waiting for the green man in front of taka to light up. he wasnt waiting for the rain to stop at all. hah. i had been to quick to judge him - he really lived to deliver. *salutes*
lunch was at sakae. had a unagi bento and a chawanmushi. an interesting topic came up as we lunched. i was telling them that while waiting for the rain to stop, i went to the paragon toilet to freshen up. in the mall, you've gotta open this door before you enter the carpark or the washrooms. i held the door open for someone who was close behind me, he stopped in his tracks and said, "ladies first".
woah. he even went over to hold the door for me. it made me realise... that i havent really met a chivalrous guy. let's not talk about chivalry - even basic courtesy is rare in singapore. dont you think so? i was getting out of the mrt train earlier and before the door even opened, the auntie behind was nudging me. how i wished i farted or something. hah!
work... has been hectic. my supervisor's supervisor is breathing down our necks lah. she's more "niao" than my supervisor. so sad. but while work makes me really busy, i do get some fun times with my colleagues. they got real amused when i made a return call to settle a case. the maid picked up and could only speak in malay so i asked for the handphone number of the person in question of my case. thank god i know my "satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima...etc" in malay.
as i repeated the handphone number over the phone, my supervisor heard me and was impressed. thank goodness luck was on my side and i had translated the numbers from malay to english correctly. should have seen that smile of relief when i managed to contact that guy via his mobile.
so... now word has gone round the office that i may understand malay. maybe that's why the malay aunties there seem to be talking less amongst themselves when im around... lol. this is so cool.
cai was here with you at
YFriday, September 29, 2006
the bitch in me
i realise that im quite schizoprenic at work. i can be real cheery one moment and the next, raising my voice like a banshee - it just depends on the other party im dealing with. had some buggers who sounded like complain queens. but i had my fair share of "mood-savers", including strangers who can make me laugh.
my job isnt easy. but what i like about it is that it really puts my patience to the test, as well as finding ways to "trap" liars in their web of lies. also, it's somewhat like a combi of customer service and taxation. i was only thought to handle personal tax matters at first but lately, ive been dealing with partnership and even corporate cases just to learn more. besides, my supervisor is keen to teach.
i had lunch with rachel on thurs before she flew to europe. lunch was at united square's pastamania. we share this buddy meal thingi which came with some banana pizza desert. funny thing was, as the waitress laid the plate of pizza on the table, the pizza just slid off and fell on the table. i was shocked. we were speechless for like two seconds. then the waitress asked, "um, do you want me to get you a new one"? so retarded!
"yes please" i heard myself say. i know that may make me sound like a fussy pot but hey... gawd knows what's on the table yeah? but there was a moment that i regreted requesting for a new one cos i was afraid they'll just bring it to the kitchen and re-heat it. i guess i was over-paranoid. it's a good thing that the oven area could be seen from my table and i saw with my own eyes that the waitress and her friends ate the pizza that fell on our table while the chef made a new one for us. phew. but i must say, that banana thing tasted good though.
something quite frustrating: mr roamy hands has been asking me out yet again. so natrually i turned him down yet again (im still sane you know.) he's quite a sad case because while he does try to understand why im feeling down, i cant be bothered to explain much to him. i dont even wanna spend time with him - and that's because i just dont like him. besides, there is someone else i like. he's attached. whatever. i bet this is my karma for hurting others. but hey, being down in luck doesnt really crush me so im still doing fine. daijoubu.
sigh. my work station tomorrow is directly opposite a pervert's! shant bother to look nice when i go to work tomorrow i guess. last week he kept popping over to my desk and asking lame shit that scared the shit out of me. he's really creepy - all girls are afraid of him. he's really weird and even asked a girl on what she thought about him getting a vietnamese bride and whether she has poly friends for him to date. she's my age btw. that's how scary he is. god bless me. it will be sad if the stars curse me to be a weirdo-magnet for this month. hah. what am i talking about? i dont believe in astrology.
cai was here with you at
YWednesday, September 27, 2006
"Calendars and clocks exist to measure time, but that signifies little because we all know that an hour can seem as eternity or pass in a flash, according to how we spend it.
Time is life itself, and life resides in the human heart." -- Michael Ende
time is life itself and life resides in the human heart. an hour can seem like eternity or pass in a flash according to how we spend it... yup. that's true. time seems to pass a lot faster when we're enjoying what we do, and time just seems to come to a standstill when we're at something sucky.
i was real busy at work today. time whizzed like a japanese bullet train. i hit my record and corresponded with more than 60 cases. (my previous "personal best record" was 45 cases a day or something like that.)
work's been tiring yet fulfilling. and my supervisors have been supportive and nice. as for the supervisor that accidentally sarbo-ed me in the director's office on my 2nd day of work, well, im not reporting under her so thank god.
anyways, kinda back-dated but jiahui's surprise bday party went ok although we didnt have enough time to do the decorations. the balloons took frigging long to be blown. last time, i used helium pumps to get them blown. but this time round, we had to blow them by mouth because there wasnt a balloon pump in her house. the first ballon i blew took me more than 5 tries to get it inflated. for some reason, i was short of breath. and it didnt help that i had a blocked nostril. lol. but hey, in the end i think i blew about 3 balloons.
the door bell rang and we panicked, darting around the house and then we finally realised we should light the cake. as we lit it, jiahui entered the flat with her boyfriend and all we can do is stand sheepishly in the kitchen with the half-lit cake. but i guess, surprise parties usually have cock-ups but they never fail to make everyone happy and this party applies. (: glad you enjoyed urself jiahui.
anyways, it's my hols but i havent paid a visit to grandma yet. not that she's ill or anything but i do feel guilty not visiting her for half a year. i dont hate her or whatsoever. it's more of my aunts and cousins that get on my nerves. hate it when they try to pry into the nitty gritty of my life when they dont even care about me and are more interested in finding juicy stuff to gossip behind my back.
arghs. im having a headache now. i keep hearing a song... right i should get going yeah? before i rattle on more of my pointless banter. nite.
cai was here with you at
YSaturday, September 23, 2006
my gosh
im feeling the gitters now. checked my new academic timetable. guess what? ive got KPT as my econs tutor for next sem. she's notorious in the school of BA i tell you. judging from what my freshies tell me, she hates girls and locks latecomers out of the class.
man... and i thought back then that LGL (the "notorious" accounting tutor) was hell. hah. im screwed.
ive been feeling rather PMSy lately. even shouted "toink simi?!" at a total stranger for staring at me lewdly as he cycled past s-l-o-w-y. irritating. and i got real worked up with a caller at work. i had so much adrenaline pumping in me that i was breathing real hard and my eyes got moist - not that i was scared or sad. he was a tough case to handle, bombarding me with all questions but refusing to buy my story.
so i got real pissed. real pissed that my voice got half an octave higher. if i could, i would have just "accidentally" press the 'release' button to end the call. i was trying to help him, giving him the best advice i could but all he wanted to do was "comprain, comprain and comprain".
as you can see, im really quite irritable now. got a flu to nurse too and that really makes me very cranky. got couple of other things to rant about. but i realise, that will make me look like a complain queen too so i might as well just shut my trap.
ive got an authentic "Forever Friends" bear lantern from FCMC. lol. it's a regular paper lantern just that it's got prints of the forever friends bears on it. but i cant bear to burn it. hah.
cai was here with you at
YWednesday, September 20, 2006
6th beam
the stupid mosquito was buzzing near my ear at 620 this morning. trying hard to get a good 10 minutes of power nap before i wake up, i threw my blanket over my head to keep the mozzie away from me. my body itched like hell. must have been biten by that bugger when i was asleep.
0625+ in the morning. the sound from my handphone cut my sleep. it's an sms but it's so early in the morning? the message was from a friend whom i havent contacted for some time. the main point of the message, if i can summarise it in one line is, "when friends drift apart, who's to blame?"
who's to blame? honestly, i dont know. that is a question i had never gievn thought to. what i can say is, who's to blame depends on a case-to-case basis. in some cases, no one is at fault at all.
my definition of a friend is a person i know, like and trust. maybe im sounding dumbly optimistic but i believe that true friendship is able to withstand time and distance and most of my friendships will last. i love my friends. but there are times where we feel distant because i dont get the chance to regularly meet them up as often as i'd like .
still, this urges me to exercise better time management so that i'd be able to squeeze in time for them someday. of course life is not all that sweet and simple- there are sucky times when im free, they are not and/or vice versa.
it sucks; but i wont jump to conclusions to think that our friendship ends just there or is sure to go down the slippery road and become a thing in history. as ive said, when it comes to friendship, im rather optimistic. i trust that my friends are as understanding as i am to them, and that they understand how hectic student life is as well as i do. the little spare time that i have, has to be divided amongst family, different groups of friends and myself.
so... to that friend who messaged me the question this morning, i'll say in all honesty that the other time, when you said you had no friends, i got upset. i admit we dont meet up regularly. but that's because of two things: 1. i have really been busy back then during my academic term. 2. i thought that our friendship could endure the test of "distance".
maybe your definition of a 'friend' is different from mine. afterall, everyone has different opinions on this matter. i apoplogise for "neglecting" you due to my crazy project-filled academic term back then. i had tried my best to squeeze in time for you. but obviously, that was not sufficient since you said you felt as if you have no friends.
im confused right now, that's why im staying silent and not contacting you. since that day you said you had no friends, i think i have failed you as a friend. that day, i started thinking thoughts which i never thought before. i dont have plans to end our friendship but ive entertained thoughts like, will you be happier without a busy friend like me? did you consider me a friend in the first place? and these stem from the question: what's your definition of a friend and do i qualify as one?
maybe it's your turn to enlighten me.
cai was here with you at
YMonday, September 18, 2006
32 calls!
first day of work and i answered 32 calls. actually that's considered low because the girl next to me answered 40 calls. it's not so much that i was unproductive whatsoever. the thing is, i realise that the calls come streaming in according to our station number. it happens that mine is the largest number of the four officers in my area. so the first call goes to station of the smallest number, and when all other stations are occupied, only then will the incoming call come to me.
ah well. but im not complaining. surprisingly, work isnt as bad as i anticipated it to be. then again, this is just day one of me being independent. maybe it's still too early to gauge. but whatever. im glad it's pretty ok. i had grumbled last week cos that the clique im with were asked to do interviews while i got stuck with what i thought then as a crappy phone operator. but really, maybe this is a blessing in disguise because the interviewers were bored to death and "swatting flies".
so far, no one scolded me on the phone. today i only had TWO calls in chinese (thank god). my chinese really sucks. even my malay colleagues can tell me that "i speak chinese as if ive just learnt it". i have to agree with them on that though. (: ah well, but hey, i realised you dont need to speak a language well to be understood. and even though my chinese sucks, both chinese callers thanked me in chinese "xie xie ni ah, huiru. bye bye". see, so cute right? but there was an uncle who said that to me and goosebumps came running right up my skin. haha.
im having a headache now. ive got yet another online timetable selection exercise and the stipulated time im alotted is 1-3pm. d-a-m-n i-t. i dont know if im allowed to do this at work... rahhs. and im so sick of online enrolments because the system is sure to frigging lag. it's so stupid to need to select the timetable when there's nothing for me to elect since there's only ONE timetable for the finance option that i am in. goodness.
right. enough of rattling. im tired after a hard day's work.,..........zzzzzzzz
cai was here with you at
YFriday, September 15, 2006
maybe it depends on which group you're in
the last two days, work has been quite slack. so there are times where my colleagues and i chit chat. but it's kinda sad that they gossip. the thing is, there's this irritating short fart who likes to talk to me though i listen ear in ear out. he bores the shit out of me and everyone else. i usually try to avoid him but he just seems to keep popping out... (like a pimple).
the chit-chatters questioned me couple of stuff which are really exasperating. stuff like:
1. whether i realised that the irritating short fart is paying special attention to me
2. whether im single
about half of them guessed im single, the other half guessed that im attached. anyways, being a swinging single has always been my choice. so i frankly told them my status and then they were like "really ah"? and some looked at me as if i was a pitiful rag-and-bones man on the street. strange.
one asked if i felt anything lacking and whether i want to be introduced to someone. that was amusing and sad at the same time because they think that being single = being sad and lonely. i still think the media overrates and oversimplifies romantic relationships. they make it look as if one is incomplete if he/she doesnt find a partner. but if one adopts such a mindset, it may be unhealthy. you'll lack self-esteem and whatnot.
i flatly turned down that "matchmaking offer". i said that ive already got a headache from my suitors and dont need any more to add on to my misery. maybe that was a mistake, because they started asking really juvenile questions like, whether my suitors are handsome or tall or have dimples. looks. do looks really matter?
maybe to a certain extent. as long as the sight of him doesnt irritate me, dont really give a hoot. what wows me most in a person (be it a he/she) is character. quirky spunky and confident personalities especially, which i admit, are rare.
some of my colleagues poured out their relationship woes. one girl said she has been dating her guy for 4 years but feels as if she doesnt know him very well and whom she doesnt like as much as he likes her. i think that's sad.
it's like as if my colleagues are giving me the impression that they are dating because of their need to kill off loneliness and that to me, is quite a joke. my self-confidence and self-esteem isnt the least bit affected but im just concerned about people's mindsets when it comes to dating. it scares me. but then again, who am i to tick them off?
i was posed with a psychological question by one of them. it was something like, if im working late at night and have no time to buy my food, what would i ask someone of the opposite sex to buy for me? it's an MCQ question. the option that i selected was a "hotdog bun and a slice of watermelon" (the other options included "solid meals" like minced pork noodle and someother crap).
so anyway, it is said that peeps who chose the same option as me will have many "one night stands" and will most only truly like one person in my life. maybe that sounds sad to them, just like their lives sound to me. i guess, it all depends on which group you're in. but it doesnt quite matter what others think, as long as you dont lose faith in yourself. i still think that one needs to love oneself before one can love others. but then again, it's all up to personal judgement aint it?
my colleagues really seem to have to say a lot about me. stuff like i dont look local, that i look like the type who had learnt ballet or can play the piano. really scary how word spreads around. i only told a few that i stay at little india. then within a few days, more than half of them knew. bleahz. ive been feeling real tired lately. caught a cold too. i think it's due to the rain or the cold air conditioning in our meeting room. i slept at 11pm last night, all the way to 10 this morning. still have to guide my sis for her CME (civis and moral education) project...
it's about writing an account of a pregnant teenager. they seem to recycle project questions dont they? anyways, this time its cooler for her. she can make use of a blog. i still remember my time i did the old fashion diary style. ah well, kids are real lucky these days. sigh. i still feel tired.... i had answered calls in chinese yesterday. at least 5 or 6. really need to brush up my chinese cos it's damn rusty. im quite dead i think.
cai was here with you at
YSunday, September 10, 2006
stay home sunday
it feels so lame to stay home on sunday due to an infected eye! tsk. i feel so pathetic. the doc advised me to stay home. hmm.. so far, the swelling has gone down. the eye's not as itchy. the redness is gone. i guess im not exactly at risk of losing my eye. but the thing is the lump (aka stye) hasnt "erupted" yet. not quite looking for it to burst actually.
you see, the doc says the swelling is from the underside of my eyelid. because it's not on the outer part of my eye, i'll experience discomfort when it bursts. if it doesnt burst, i'd have to seek the help of a specialist to "drain" it out. great.
im still quite stumped as to how did i get my eye infection. if old wives tales are to believed, my swollen eye was the result of me having peeped at someone. and come to think about it, i did take a peek at some guy on the NUS shuttle bus. haha! what a thing to admit. right. but hey, eunice was saying that guy has very nice eyelashes. so of course i was curious. im not blaming eunice but im blaming Mr Pretty Eyeslashes. so... beware of pretty boys on the NUS shuttle bus. ;-o
alrite. time for me to sleep. first day of work at iras tomorrow. taxation! one of my few pet modules besides auditing. hopefully my work experience at IRAS doesnt spoil my love for the module though. right. shant rattle on anymore. おやすみ なさい!
cai was here with you at
YThursday, September 07, 2006
eyes
i woke up yesterday with slightly puffy eyelids. i did apply eye cream. but today, it got so bad that the double eyelid seems to have disappeared.
it was... quite a scary sight to wake up to.
so i saw the doc this morning. he asked me quite a lot of nonsensical questions - even took my weight (seriously, what has weight got to do with my eyes?!)
besides the usual eye cream, i was given pills to take: antibiotics and anti-swelling cream - that's how bad it is.
sigh. the doc said if it doesnt get better by sunday, i have to see him before going to an eye specialist to cut my eye and remove the lump. of course i hope my eye will recover. but i wont fret too much lar. the swelling has subsided a little though my eyelid is stil thicker than the other.
alrite im hungry. gonna grab a bite. compared to my secondary school weight, the weight i took today was about 3 kg less. now that it's the hols, there's no stress so this is a great time for me to start pigginggg.
cai was here with you at
YWednesday, September 06, 2006
random tuestday
1. i realised i sent a blank email to my professor, and the advert run by MSN below the list of attached files was "find ur perfect match at truematch.com" or something like that. i felt like killing myself.
2. needless to say, it took me a while before i devised a way to prevent any misunderstanding it felt as if god was mocking me. thank god the professor took it lightly; thank god he knew i wasnt up to mischief.
3. i went to town alone. almost everyone i knew was either at work or in uni. but it's still quite ok. besides, i had personal stuff to get myself.
4. i got approached by 2 separate talent agencies within a span of 3 minutes. i turned both down pretty easily. boy am i glad ive finally discovered the magic sentence to say so that they will immediately let me go. im not interested in modelling and of course i know where i stand in terms of looks. there's no way i can compete with denise keller. and i HATE being in front of the camera.
but saying "im not interested", no matter how frank an answer, is not strong enough a reason to reject them; most "talent scouts" ive bumped into were very pushy. (i really suspect they just want so called 'fresh faces' to sign up for their modelling and make up classes and portfolio creation and what not).
here's the line that will work wonders at warding off those "evil pests"... just tell them, "im sorry but i dont live here". you'll be surprised: it works. that's cos they need you to be in singapore when they want you to either do assignments or go for their classes.
it's disgusting that the industry seems so hungry for new people that they just pick anyone on the streets (some agencies play sneaky games to earn profits from model wannabes). but if you wanna be spotted and wish to take advantage of the industry players' "grave need to find new faces", just take a walk down orchard road. nonetheless, exercise caution when dealing with them.
5. sigh. i'll be working at IRAS on friday i.e. day after tmr. just kinda shagged lately. working at NUS is ok. the workload manageable, environment warm and comfy. the only sad thing was waking up at 6 each morning when i sleep at only one plus or two plus. i can toss and turn for hours. so sleep deprived.
6. im upset with my lil sis. she usef my phone and because there wasnt enough space for her to receive messages, she deleted some messages in my phone. as if that's not bad enough, those she deleted happened to be meaningful words from important people. irritating but life is like that. there are many precious things we cant take with us forever. also, there are many things that are gone before we even learnt how to appreciate it.
besides friends family gifts and talents, time is one thing that i just dont know well enough to appreciate. it slips past so stealthily without us even knowing. we look at the clock but it never really occured to us where does lost time go.
cai was here with you at
YSunday, September 03, 2006
Care to listen to the words of a roadsweeper?
"Sometimes, when you've a very long street ahead of you, you think how terribly long it is, and feel sure you'll never get it swept.
And then you start to hurry; you work faster and faster, and everytime you look up, there seems to be just as much left to sweep as before...
And you try even harder, and you panic, and in the end you're out of breath and have to stop - and still, the street stretches away in front of you. That's not the way to do it.....
You must never think of the whole street at once, understand? You must only concentrate on the next step, the next breath, the next stroke of the broom, and the next and the next. Nothing else.
That way you enjoy your work, which is important because then you make a good job of it. That's how it ought to be.
And all at once, before you know it, you find you've swept the whole street clean, bit by bit. What's more, you aren't out of breath. That's important too" he concluded.
I guess, if I were a roadsweeper, I'd be the foolishly kan-cheong one who "chiongs" like mad. I rushed and rushed - and because I did, I did not really like project work especially because come the deadlines, I feel so out of breath, my immune system fails and the saddest part: the project just seems a chore.
My uni friends are learning to adapt to a hectic academic life., one that's packed with lectures, tutorials, projects, projects and projects. At the same time, my poly friends will be starting their 6th month internship - they'd either be very busy or very free. I just hope they remember the Roadsweeper's words and reflect on it.
No doubt it can all be summed up by a common saying "take a step at a time", how many of us actually follow it when we're assigned a task? Charging like a mad bull doesnt exactly equate to productivity. Well, in the midst of sharing this with you all, I'm reprimanding myself actually.
Anyways, dont be surprised if you feel a sense of deja vu hearing the story above. It's afterall taken from Momo, a children's fantasy book written by some (already dead) German guy. It sprang back to memory when I watched this silly korean comedy. Surprisingly children's books can be packed with so much symbolism. But my all time favourite book will still be The Little Prince by Saint Exupery. Haha. That was random. Gonna bathe now. Gonna work tomorrow. Hopefully I wont chiong like siao at work. (:
cai was here with you at
YSaturday, September 02, 2006
my life, my mum's rules
yes. it's quite laughable. when im home, i feel like a jailbird, and mummy plays the prison warren. she nags at what i eat. she orders that i tidy my bed. and she'd get reall harsh if i defy the "lights out" period.
and just minutes ago, she was scolding me about my shoes. you see, we dont have a shoe rack. i dont see a point in having one anyways. i'd rather have them laid on the floor so it's easy to see them, pick and choose. but the empress of the house wants them put properly into their original shoe boxes as she says "there are already too many shoes here." i dont have smelly feet but i think it's always good to air the shoes.
i casually said that we have different ways of living. then she retorted that i was being inflexible. i nearly said "look who's speaking". but i held it back - and im glad i did. the last thing i want right now is to start another quarrel with her. i'm frustrated enough.
you know, the offer to work at NUS which i had once looked forward to? well... ive dropped it. the arrangements got kinda complicated. it's sad that things had to turn out this way. anyways, i'll be volunteering there for 2 days. it's the best option that i can handle. heck. dont wish to dwell on it now. but im fine. im not dodging the issue. in fact, ive settled it already.
so... i'll be working at NUS on monday and tuesday next week. from then onwards, i'll be working at IRAS which is the statutory board that deals with all your taxes. (: ive stopped exercising for 2 days. lately i wake up feeling tired and sad. i guess it must have been the whole NUS thing that had bothered me then.
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cai was here with you at