YMonday, August 07, 2006
i cant believe it
im in frigging awe, at how the human mind is so vunerable to become prejudiced and lead us to discrimate just based on very irrational factors - stuff like dress sense, or mannerisms?! one of my freshies was telling me how he pitied me, and how i look like a misfit in my class.
yeah like what the hell?! so i asked him to explain why he's trying to put me down. he reasoned, "pardon me but your new class looks kinda weird to me". ok, if he's saying my class is weird and i look like a misfit, he's prolly saying that i dont look weird. but still... im stumped as to why he's talking to me about my class.
so i tried to dig deeper. and it was then that he told me, "they look and behave really weird. if i have to be blunt, they really look nerdy to me. i feel like running away man if i were in your class. "
lucky it was just an MSN conversation. i felt my face tense up, and could only respond with my trademark emoticon - yes, that's right, it's my colorful ".....", and the -___-" face.
but he still had more to say - "when i see them, i wonder how they gona mix around when they leave each other. and i feel sad for them. for the 1st time, i feel sorry for a buncha people."
interesting. it only shows how shallow he is. but then again, in the midst of criticising him, i realised i had been shallow myself. ive been guilty of judging books by their cover (not with reference to my current classmates though).
i remember in lectures, there's this guy whose dressing i dont quite fancy. he always has one hand in his pocket. and he became the butt of my clique's jokes... i still remember, we jokingly called him "jen's boyfriend" cos jen had taken notice of him since yr 1 and from that day, she 'just had something against him'.
i never thought i was really prejudiced in any ways... until now. i am shallow. i'd never make friends with "jen's boyfriend" - simply because i dont like his high cut jeans. his hair. his "i've got one hand in my pocket" and act-cool saunter. but are these reasons reasonable, at all? perhaps karma has striked back and now, someone else is watching me and the people around me, and giving uncalled for remarks.
back to the kid who was mocking my classmates, i told him...
"when i was an orientation leader, there was this guy in the orientation group that i was in charged of. he seemed like a jerk, talked like a jerk, walked like a jerk and dressed like one too. i couldnt stand him, i remember i slapped him hard when he said something offensive during the camp.... but people still deserve chances. it wouldnt be fair to just judge them based on appearance."
that of course, was our history. i hope he got my point. he likes bugging me but i do have probs getting along with him. still, i never burn bridges and i do refrain from sounding offensive. and
anyways, i know my classmates are hardworking. sometimes i get smses from them on friday nights to remind me to post the tutorial that i've presented earlier in class onto the school's online BlackBoard. ive even gotten a call at 12 plus in the morning regarding tutorial homework. yes, to be honest, sometimes i do get upset at them. like, when i'm chilling, they put pressure on me. i feel guilty hanging out late at night, to know that they're mugging.
each time i step into tutorial classes, i feel pressured to perform. i feel not as smart as them, i feel insecure about myself (especially my sloth). and i do feel upset when my classmates ask about my grades or project grades - for it shows me how competitive they are. this new enviroment is different from the class i had for the last two years. but, i guess, it serves as a challenge, for me to embrace diversity, accept differences, and be able to work together with people of all sorts.
let's have a look again at what that bugger said: "when i see them, i wonder how they gona mix around when they leave each other. and i feel sad for them. " i think the tables have flipped. well, there is something in me that wishes to mirror his words and say: "i wonder how is he gonna mix around with people, for he has yet to venture beyond his well and small pool of fellow frogs. suddenly, i feel sad for him. "
but having said that, ive judged him myself. so the thing about judging others, it's really sorta like a vicious cycle or is it not?
cai was here with you at