YSaturday, July 08, 2006
unexpected
at 1plus this morning, i got an unexpected call from bro. he said he was hospitalised at tan tock seng and feeling bored. that's quite shocking. first of all, he and i were not on talking terms for 4 months so i didnt expect him to call me. also i wondered why was he hospitalised? honestly, gang fight was the first word that hit me.
anyway, i visited him just a few hours ago (in the early afternoon). i got him a mickey mouse balloon from the gift shop on the ground floor of the hospital! teehee. you know the hard ones on a sitck with a head inside so it rattles when you shake them? yeah, those. i was glad, nonetheless. bro smiled when he saw the balloon through the glass door. haha. hmm... but not so much from delight i guess, because the first thing he threw at me was "what the fuck?!" when i handed it to him. but seeing him smile made my day though. (:
sigh. i want him to get out of the hospital real soon. that idiot is apparently SO BORED in his room that he fiddles around with the wires of the indicator that measures his heartbeat- occassionally causing a 'missing beat'. yes that's retarded but wait till you hear this: he also flexes his muscles when the blood pressure machine takes his blood pressure every hour so the blood pressure measured is over a hundred (the regular b.p. is seventy plus)...
he said he did try to reading a book max lent him, but he got bored (and he whined that no one bought him FHM). bro's really crazy. when no one's with him, he chats on his mobile phone and texts god-knows-who, which is not allowed by the way cos the signal from his phone affects the machines. he doesnt care, does he?! when i was there, i saw him smsing with my very own eyes. and then i realised... he must have called me last night while he was on his hospital bed. tsk.
bro told me i looked so pale and tired - more like a sick patient than him. hmm, maybe that's true. everyone's been commenting about my appearance lately, that i'm thin, pale, tired, and the best one - haggard! but it's true. all these late nights have caught up with me and sucked all my energy within. bro's quite high but i know beneath his naughty crappy facade, he's pretty vulnerable and unstable inside (why else did he end up in hospital, needing a stomach pump? i suspect suicide. duh. but he wont tell me). he tries to hide things from me, just like i do when he reads my mind - and he really reads my mind well... alrite, reading my mind doesnt require talent cos school has always been my headache since young. haha.
but bro's harder to comprehend. having been mentally and verbally abused by his mum, even till now his mum still shows biasness towards his lil bro, he's grown to keep things to himself. i really wish i could enter his head and see what's going on. see the stuff he refused to tell and ease his insecurities. he suffered hell since his parents divorced. his mum ill-treats him! i remember one bad case when he was in pri5, he got kicked out of home by his mum. he had no money on him so he had to walk - on foot - from his balestier condo all the way to his aunt's house at toa payoh. can you imagine? back then, a child less than 12, having to go through things like that? and early this year, he found out about my parents not being too happy about me hanging out with him... so feelings of rejection by your own family members... it only hurts him more.
if you understand maslow's hierachy of needs, you'd see that one will need love and a sense of belonging, before one can achieve a healthy sense of self-esteem and finally, self-actualisation. so yeah, now you know why i always try to show concern for bro, else he'd go back to "the dark side".
time passes fast when a) it's a saturday and b) you're having fun. i felt sad walking through the doors of bro's hospital room - for i know i wont be visiting him again soon. once this week kicks in, that's it: i'll be freaking FREAKING busy! then again, i am already supposed to be charging at full speed - got 4 assignments due on monday, just that i took some time off to pay him a visit, for it's been so long since we last talked. and i missed his silly antics too. yup. but i'm glad that short visit did wonders in stress relief (: now if only i can get that strength to work on those 4 assignments... *zzzzzzzzzzzz*
cai was here with you at